Faith,Trust, and Love

Second Last Day of Classes.

2009-05-28T02:19:00.003+08:00

I only have 2 classes left (: then i'm done with sophomore year!

Today i was supposed to have an in-class essay on this totally retarded book that's supposed to be a metaphor for something or another. I was freaking out because Sarah borrowed my book the night before to read my underlinings and she hadn't returned it! I would be screwed for the essay without the book. So i'm panicking, and then i find it in my bag (thank god) before english.

We're all ready to write and Mr.Marchant goes, you can open your booklets now. So we open them, and there's a sheet of folded paper in there. We think it's the topics so we read it. And *gasp* it's the menu to Deano's Pizza! We're all just like.. uhhh whaaat? Cat was like, class field trip? Mr.Marchant was like: guess what? No in-class essay. We all started screaming our heads off. Marchant's like, place your orders.

It was AWESOMEE.

So i'm really supposed to be studying for finals. I have orchestra rehearsal for graduation at 6 (fml). And we have to serve seinor dinner tomorrow. (double fml).

Home in 9 :]

Love,

Kay

16 days.

2009-05-22T09:57:00.003+08:00

It's almost summer! So I guess I'm getting back into the tradition of blogging? Maybe? Haha, knowing me I won't keep it up.

Soooo. Updates...

I have exams starting next saturday. Whoopee. Not.

I'm going to my roommate's house tomorrow till saturday to celebrate her birthday with her family! which means... SHOPPING.

The sun's back out (: which means.. TANNING. I'm practically living in my bikini now haha. today it was 90F out so a bunch of us went to the lake. we just chilled on this tiny 5ftx5ft dock in the middle and played truth or dare.

Dare highlight of the session: Stefan daring

madi to swim across to the bank and back to the dock topless. the guys liked that of course.

Truth highlight of the session: Martha asking Chris if he was circumcised. Which sparked a conversation on how clean stefan's penis is.

I have a KILLER tan right now (: slightly sunburned on my face and arms. not to serious though. you cant see it.

i had my orchestra concert today! i borrowed a dress from amanda because we needed to wear white. story is: after the concert was over i was packing up

my stuff and putting it in my locker. i stand up and my dress goes WHOOSH and drops down (it was strapless). but i was wearing a cardigan so i quickly turned around and adjusted. hopefully no one saw (:

this is what i was wearing:

I'll be back in 16 days (: cant wait! my mom'll probably quarantine me for a couple days cuz of swine flu.. we seriously havent had any scares here.

Love,

Kay

Poetry Slam

2009-04-07T10:06:00.001+08:00

Very late poetry I wrote at the Giles Li Poetry Slam.

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Day to night, week to week.

Devote and stand up to God.

Leaves will grow, change color, and fall.

Animals will be born, fight to survive, and die.

But these will all be left

as the Earth goes around the sun

again and again.

The young will grow old, the uneducated educated,

the unused will go to waste.

Reexamine those around you,

because time never stands still.

-----------

This is what you shall do:

Don't worry about growing up.

Cherish the carefree days.

Break a few rules, step over some lines.

Make some lifelong friends,

experience unforgettable moments.

Find someone you will love forever,

but never ever forget those who loved you first.

Major Update

2009-01-27T09:05:00.001+08:00

Hector walked me back.

New Favorites :]

2009-01-23T09:55:00.005+08:00

HIIIIIII!!! Yea, i'm high.

Anyway, i'm going to nyc this saturday with sarah and ann! and then next next saturday is long winter weekend and me sarah amanda and stefan are staying in the city cuz sarah and stefan's parents are coming down.

Stefan and I traded iPods haha. Cuz he had the ipod Nano, the squarish one? And i had the video. And my dad had just given me the newer Nano (the long one) for christmas. And steffy needed more space, so we traded.

Last saturday sarah amanda stefan maggie hector and i went sledding down cardiac hill to the lake and we walked around on it :] very cold and wet. but lots of fun.

I've got a whole new list of favorites now haha. and some old ones.

Sport: Volleyball [of course. cant wait till next season.]

Dining hall food: It's a tie between pizza and clam chowder.

Snack bar food: Egg o bagels DEFINITELY.

Article of clothing: Hector's sweater [he let me have it after the sledding day. although i might have to return it someday...]

Drink: Vitamin water [although all i drink in my dorm is lemon gatorade cuz that's the only type of gatorade in the vending machines ><]

Snack: Sour Patch Kids

Class: Chinese [it's such a joke haha]

Person: SarahAmandaHectorStefanMaggieJackAbbyWillJackieLucy

Song: I Will Remember You by Ryan Cabrera

Saturday Activity: Sarah and Amanda sleeping over in my room

Sunday Activity: Sleeping in till 11 and then heading over to dining hall with Sarah and amanda for brunch.

Wednesday Activity: heading to snack bar after practice with the gang.

Celebrity: Currently it's taylor lautner. My god he is SMOKING HOT!

So that's all i can think of right now..

How was winter formal? How is life? Inform me on everything :]

Much love,

You're fat.

2009-01-17T09:20:00.003+08:00

I haven't written in a long time.. wow. Anyway, here's a story I wrote for english class. It was to write a story based off of a picture.

You're fat. Those two words ran through her head. You're fat. "I'm fat." She whispered to herself as she plucked at the pleated bottom of the new $587 Marc by Marc Jacobs dress in lilac she had bought especially for this occasion. You're fat. On her feet were a pair of matching six inch lilac peep toe heels. She leaned against the wall of the posh bathroom, running those words through her head. You're fat, you're fat, YOU'RE FAT. She felt disgusted with herself. Why had she eaten that last crab cake? She had eaten three crab cakes, three. The sudden thought of food made her feel nauseous.

"Honey? Come on down sweetie, he's waiting!" Her mother's raspy smoker's voice floated up the stairs.

"I'll be right down!" She replied, dabbing on a bit of Maybelline's Raspberry Lip Stain. With a spritz of Princess by Vera Wang, she tucked her clutch, which only contained a pack of Trident gum, her Sidekick, and some folded bills, under her arm and headed downstairs.

"Wow." He breathed as he caught sight of her. She was breathtaking in a purple-colored dress that barely hit mid-thigh and a pair of sky-high heels that made her legs look a mile long.

She twirled around, reveling in the attention. "Do you like the color? It's lilac. I wasn't so sure about it because it seemed to make me look to pale in the dressing room.

His eyes were glazed over as he continued staring. "Lilac's my new favorite color."

"Come on, we better get going. The party started half an hour ago. You know I like to be fashionably late, but i can't be too late." She giggled as she dragged him out the door.

She pushed off the wall and ran towards the toilet. Sinking her bare knees to the hardwood floor, she held back her carefully tousled locks with one perfectly manicured hand in Sweet Peach and stuck the forefinger of the other down her throat until she could touch the dangly piece of flesh. Instantly, her gagging reflexes kicked into action.

They pulled up to the seaside mansion that would be hosting the unofficial graduation party. It was an annual event and it was the place to be and to be seen. All of the senior graduating class would be there (except for those who never came to any parties), about half of the junior class, and a handful of the A-list sophomores. She stepped one heeled foot out of the silver BMW convertible, and then another. Standing up regally, she surveyed the scene. This would be her third graduation party and she could already tell that it would top all the previous ones.

Her stomach heaved and she could feel the two flutes of champagne and the three crab cakes come up. You're fat. Tears came to her eyes as she kept heaving, trying to dispel something from her already empty stomach. She collapsed to the floor, exhausted, with the smell of what was supposed to be her dinner overwhelming her nose.

"Heeeey you!" A voice squealed. She turned around to find her group of impossibly beautiful friends. All were decked out in expensive mini-dresses like hers.

"Oh em gee! I absolutely heart that dress you're wearing! Marc by Marc Jacobs right?" One of the girls said in her nasally voice.

She nodded, pleased by their recognition of her name-brand dress.

"But.. don't you think that hem makes your thighs look a little chubby?" Another of the girls criticized.

"Haha you're fat!" A girl who had already had one flute too many of bubbly laughed.

She flinched. There was the word, the dreaded f-word. Fat. She quickly composed herself and brushed off the girls under pretense of heading in search of her boyfriend.

She dragged herself up off the floor and stood in front of the full length mirror. She examined her body, first from the front, then the side, and lastly the back. You're fat. Her thighs looked ginormous. You're fat. She lifted up her dress to look at her stomach. Was her stomach looking a bit loose? She made a mental note to clock in a ten minutes more of running a day. She curled up into a ball in the corner, those two enemy words continuously ringing through her ears. You're fat.

Furry pajama pants - 59

2008-12-26T19:11:00.003+08:00

Weeeee break is fun :] surprisingly enough as a bunch of people are currently MIA (ahem max ahem asumi ahem jess).

Sooo today: holly, me, helen, donna, holly's bf, his friend from puxi kevin li went to outlets, somewhere faaaar off in puxi. the stuff there is so fucking cheap! i got a pair of roxy flip flops for 89 fucking kuai. & then we went to sbm. and shopped some more :] everything was on sale!

Acquired items
Roxy flip flops - 89
Roxy wallet - 320
Tights (purple and blue) - 25 each
Uniqlo furry pajama pants - 59
Uniqlo fleeces (2) - 99 each

Pretty efficient eh? Don't think i'll be going shopping for a while (: <- nah that's a lie.

Sunday 12/28: Helen and I are planning to go some place to get haircuts. Her mom has a card to some place. I'm going to get my split ends chopped off (finally) and side bangs :] sorta like connie's. Helen.. i think she's thinking about getting bangs too (:

Monday 12/29: Helen, Donna, and I are hopefully going to go ice skating at Super Brand. Hopefully. Dunno if we can all make it. Donna said her mom will probably let her cuz she'll say (and i quote donna) "ice skating? that's a form of exercise. you should go!" Helen, i think her mom approves of me cuz of the beijing thing (:

Tuesday 12/30: Holly and I are going to go back to the place underneath People's Square and shop. We checked it out a couple days ago with her friend Grace but we didnt get to explore it.

Wednesday 12/31: Babysitting. Self-explanatory.

As you can see, I am in an extremely good mood (: I'm even decorating my post.
So how was peoples' Christmas'? Anyone get any good prezzies?

Much love,
K

Not to cold eh~

2008-12-20T20:18:00.002+08:00

Heeeellooooo I am B A C K
but you guys are all gone :(

sooo tell me if you're gone or not. when you get back or when you leave.

I'm here from now till jan 12th i think. at least we dont have anything planned yet.

any hangouts in the future? i think helen's still here. and i hear from helen's fb page that richie is here :O

holly: are you still heeeeree? i remember you saying that you would stay for winter break cuz you're moving and all. and sorry about never responding to your msn convos! i always leave my computer on so i'm technically always online. && my mom mentioned us going to taiwan this break :] so if you ARE in taiwan maybe we can meet up if i go.

ASUMI where are youuu?! hopefully not japan yet?

max and jess are already G O N E. sadly.

Much love,
K

Christmas window decorations, ugg sharing, pink striped thongs, and mctammeny dryland

2008-12-16T09:20:00.002+08:00

So.

I guess I haven't updated in forever. And I bet all of you haven't either.

Tomorrow Winter Break begins :] Heading to Best Western near the airport with Sarah (Jamaican Chinese). We're going to find a way into the city at night hehe (: It'll be fun. We're leaving the next day, her at 1 to Jamaica and me at 3 to Beiing.

I'll be in Beijing for a couple days before heading back to Shanghai. So probably by the time i'm back you guys will all be gone. Sad eh?

Sigh. Diving has been so cruel. My feet are so ripped up from the board. I've got a humongous purple bruise in the shape of Africa on my thigh because of all my belly flops. A belly flop from that high up seriously hurts. I guess it's coming along though. 2 weeks after we get back from break (jan 24th) we have our first meet. Hopefully i'll have 6 dives in by then~

Here's a video our coach made for our volleyball season:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kK9MvNvBDM
Please watch (: it's amazing. I'm #7, the one with the dark knee pads.

A, M, J-
I miss you guys so much.

Much love,
K

Just because I should be doing something else.

2008-10-13T01:10:00.002+08:00

So I really should be working on my gazillions of homework due tomorrow. But it's SUNDAY. My ONLY relaxation day in the week.

Volleyball is going good. We haven't lost to anyone except Greenwich Academy and Loomis Chafee. We won TAFT. Our major rival haha.

Work.. Sigh. I'm drowning in work. They assign so much and a lot of it is due the very next day. I just want one day where I don't have to worry at all about work.

Parent's weekend is this coming weekend :] We'll be playing Choate in volleyball. HOpefully we'll win :D And after the game I'm heading to NYC with my friend Victoria! SHOPPING! Can't wait for that :]

40 days till Thanksgiving Break.

Sprained ankles and two hour bus rides~

2008-09-21T08:51:00.006+08:00

I am tired. Uber tired. From the stupid 2 hour bus rides to and from the schools we have to go to during away games.

Today we went to NMH (Northfield Mount Hermon) to play NMH and St. Paul's. And I HATE the bus rides. 2 hours on a bus. With no interesting scenery outside the window.

The games weren't even worth the bus ride. We played against NMH, we won. We played against St. Paul's, we won. BAAAH.

On a happier note, I've figured out what position I play! Lmao Coach gave me a permanent position now. Me ish starting middle hitter. And the awesome thing is when the ball gets turned over to the other team if they get a point during my serving time I get to switch out with the libero. The libero is this girl on the team who specializes in passing. Which I suck at. So once she get's to front row I switch in again. It's awesome :D

And my sprained ankle has started to hurt now. It's been a couple years. But then during practice I landed on it funny during a hit and now it hurts like HELL everytime I land after a hit. So I have to get it taped before every practice/game. And that always makes people go: 'omg what happened to your ankle?"

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Classes are going good :] Cept goddamn awful math.

Chinese: DOUBLE AWESOMENESS! My teacher is so cool :] Every tuesday we don't have to go to chinese class cuz he gives it to us off. Every friday when we have double chinese first thing in the morning we spend half the time in the dining hall eating breakfast and talking in chinese. And the work is SO easy. We haven't had a real turn in homework yet haha.

English: We're reading Huck Finn >< The teacher has this sarcastic humor so class is always really funny. The hot guy I told you guys about sits next to me in this class too :]

Math: EW MATH. The math here is so stressful. Alg2trig here is like alg2trig honors in SAS. It's so fast paced and the book is WAY confusing. But the people IN the class are cool. There are always a lot of jokes going around class. Matilda, my dorm buddy who lives on Bissell 4 is in this class too :] And this guy named Robert who looks TOTALLY like an Edward. He has the pale skin and the dark hair and he's HOT. I sit next to this guy named Pierson, who's blonde and a jock, but nice. Which doesn't work out. On the other side I sit next to another guy who's name is Patrick and he's on V Football but he's uber nice and he's a juinor. He plays the tuba in orchestra lmao. AND there's this girl in the class who looks like Anne Hathaway.

HD: Human Developement. In other words, health. It's so fun :] We talk about so much stuff, like hotchkiss traditions, and sex, and rules, and walkbacks, and how not to go onto the golf course at night to avoid tripping over people having sex. Shannon is in this class! Shannon is my awesome friend who has a Jess-like personality. She's black though (excuse the roughness). Our TA (teacher's assistent) is SO hot too! He's a seinor and UBER hot. Shannon thinks so too haha. Our girl TA is UBER nice! Like the kind that you have no trouble approaching even though you dont know them?

Ensemble: LMAO our teacher, we call him by his first name, Fabio. He's brazilian and he has this accent that my friend Meaghan likes to imitate. But orchestra here is so INTENSE. even worse than SAS. RIght now we're playing a piece that's tempo is 145 and is all eight notes, 16th notes, and 32nd notes. I have ZERO quarter notes in this piece.

Science: Science here is EASY. Cuz I'm in the lowest level lmao. But you only need to take one year of science to graduate so I just picked the easiest one. AND my teacher is my vball coach and he's awesome. We do the most awesome labs lmao. And he ACTUALLY teaches *le gasp*.

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Now about the group I hang out with. The group I hang out with is sorta like our SAS group. Shannon is like Jess and another girl named Victoria is like an Asumi, cept much much more talkative and loud. This guy in the group named Jeremey is uber hot too :D And another guy named Hector is too, but he already has a girlfriend lmao.

OMG this guy named Brandon that hangs out with the group is skinny and scrawny when you look at him but he has a freaking 6 pack! A really nice one too haha. You wouldn't expect that from just looking at him.

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End my uber long rant lmao. Now this is me and Hannah on a dress code +1 day. Which is, you have to be more formal than what we wear to class.

Lmao ignore our wacky headbands. We raided her roommate's jewelry box.

Much love,
K

Start of Another Week..

2008-09-15T00:35:00.004+08:00

I've survived my first full week of classes here! Aren't you guys proud of me? LMAO. So many more weeks to come..

ANYWAY

On saturday we had no study hall! WOOT! So a bunch of us gathered in the common room and a couple guys came over too and we watched a movie. Dunno which movie, but it was HILARIOUS.

We made a mess of the common room though, cuz there was so much food on the floor. Cheez-its, pretzels, oreos. LMAO we had to find a vacuum.

Then at approximately 11.32 pm my good friend Libba barged into my room looking like this:

Much love,
K

Talking to Helen~

2008-09-13T09:01:00.003+08:00

I'm talking to Helen online right now :] I miss you :(

We had scrimmage today! And it was.. WAY TOO EASY. We totally pwned the team. We played 5 sets like in the Olympics you know? And we won 3 way to fast. So we played another one. And we won that too.

And did I ever say that the rules in the league we're in require you to take off ALL jewlery in order to play? Including earrings. I HATE THAT.

OMG WE HAVE A TEAM MANAGER! This guy from freshman class is our team manager. And his responsibilities is carrying the volleyballs from the bus to the school, carrying the bucket thingy that holds all the water, assisting in practice, etc. It's so adorable watching him juggle the volleyball bag, the volleyball holder bag, and the water bottle bucket. HAHA and he's extremely short. But he's so adorable.

Cuz here you HAVE to do one sport a season. So he didn't want to do a SPORT sport so he decided to be team manager. Each team has one :]

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Now this section is dedicated to..

dun dun dun duuun

ISABELLA JOHNSON!

Lmao here is your section isa :]

So, Isabella is from DULWICH! haha awesome eh? During dorm orientation she said she was from shanghai and i was like YOU'RE THE ONE FROM DULWICH RIGHT? and then we totally bonded :D I'll post a picture of us soon :]

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Now this one is for YOU, you procrastinator.

Why'd you put it off? You have a LOT of explaining to do to me. Preferably soon.

Douche.

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I just got back from a science lecture ><

Anyway, here is a picture of what I wore today :D To give you guys an idea about dress code for girls.

Much love,

9/11

2008-09-11T22:31:00.007+08:00

Today is the anniversary of 9/11.

8.48 AM.

We had Chapel, where this guy (minister?) droned on and on about it. It was a really good speech though..

:(

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OWWWW MY SHOES ARE KILLING ME. Wearing flats 6 days a week is NOT good for your toes or heels. and it's COOOOOOLLLDDD. I woke up this morning and was like: i am NOT getting out of bed. But i did.

This is my room :] Very messy.

Anyway.. something's going to happen soon ;D

cough.
cough.

Yes, I'm tormenting you haha. But don't worry, I didn't tell anyone :D

Yet.

LMAO just KIDDING. Loosen up.

We have vball scrimmage tomorrow! Against IMS. Who's just a mile down the road :( Sad. I wanted to get out of the area haha. But we're playing somewhere in North Hampton next wednesday. Which is like.. at LEAST an hour drive. Maybe 2. I'm starter for the team :] Front left or front mid usually.

Since a lot of people said the drawing board didn't work I changed it! To a refrigerator :] Leave me messages there and DONT forget to click save or else it wont save.

Much love,
K

[The sweater says Hotchkiss :D]

Change Yet Again

2008-09-11T04:31:00.003+08:00

New layout as you can see :]
Dedicated to Asumi haha. Cuz of the Japanese.

The "__ (<- insert number) stars were shining bright even without the moon" part is the comments if you guys haven't figured out yet.

Also, leave a message on the drawing pad :] Try not to take up so much space haha.

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First official team practice today. We got our uniforms! I'm number 7 haha. OMG the sizes here are TINY. A medium is like.. an XS. The tops are really cute but the shorts are.. eww.

I had a major sleep in today haha. Triple sleep in :] I got to sleep till 10 haha.

Much love,
K

A Little Something~

2008-09-10T01:36:00.004+08:00

Natie, you're a douchebag. You need to think about your words before you say them. Cuz you don't always know both sides of the story. Or maybe you just don't want to face reality. But don't worry, I still love you >P<

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Hi peeps! I'm back to my obsessively hyper and meaningless posts.

Soo, actually volleyball didn't have cuts yesterday. I wonder if they'll be today.. possibly. But my practice partner yesterday couldn't play! She couldn't recieve my passes and when she did she hit them with her wrists, not her platform. So Coach saw all that and I really hope it didn't mess up my chances of getting on the team.

This following passage is probably most relavent for Asumi. But you guys can read it anyway.

And I was wrong. Even though most of the people trying out for JV don't have that strong serves most of them have controlled passing. There are 4 people up for setters this year. A LOT! And my hits got much better :] HAHA asumi should know. Last year I just steered clear from them. This year I can actually get like.. 75% over the net :D And relatively strong. My serves are the same, if you can still remember. Like I told you, only two other people have good overhands I think.. And sets are going good :] They're nice and high. Passing isn't too bad. If I concentrate a lot on the coming ball haha.

UPDATE: I made the JV vball team!! WOOOOOOOTTT!! I just got the email :]

OMG THE DRESS CODE HERE. It's ridiculous. Guys have to wear either a suit jacket with a dress shirt or a tie with a dress shirt. Girls have to wear dress pants with a collared shirt or blouse or a dress or a skirt with any top. Most girls wear dresses though, cuz who likes wearing collared shirts?

Classes aren't bad. Just we have so much homework.
-Math is.. math. The class is pretty cool though. Usually the teacher just gives us some problems to do in groups or we act out the graphs on the floor with string lmao.
-Science is awesome! Currently we're testing to see if everytime we knock a piece of bread with jelly on it will it land jelly side down on the floor. My science teacher is awesome :D my science teacher is my volleyball coach therefore my coach is awesome too.
-My english teacher has so much sarcastic humor lmao. And the class is tiny. Just 12 people.
-Our music teacher is almost like Siew, just less violent. He has the same humor though haha.
-Chinese here is way too easy, and I'm in second to top class. I don't want to change classes though, haha :D And.. that's about it.

I'll be heading off to HD class soon. I'm supposed to be in Chinese right now, but our teacher gave us a free period. Which means, he said we don't have to go to class today. LMAO awesomeness.

I love you guys!

[I actually quite like this picture haha, notice my blue collared shirt.]

Yes, this is to you again.

2008-09-08T07:56:00.003+08:00

Hi you.

That's right, this is to you. And no, it's not going to be any good. I actually hope you're reading this. So some of the things my friends have been telling you will actually sink into your goddamn head.

If I was writing to any other person I would be like, 'so how is school so far'? Except I don't have to ask you that. Nope, I don't. Cuz everything you do I hear about. Hear that? Yup, don't think I don't know what you're doing. So here's everything I want to say to you in 5 words:

You. Fucking. Piss. Me. Off.

And I know you know why I think that way. Oh no, you're not the clueless type. You know exactly what you're doing and what pisses me off even more is that you like it.

Although I don't have any right to limit you on who you want to like. I know I like to scope out hot guys here. But you know what? You don't know anyone here and I know people there. Even if I do get a boyfriend you wont know him and you probably will never meet him. And in your situation? I'll hear about it every fucking day. [Not that I don't mind. It gives me even more reasons to be pissed at you.] And if I visit? I'll be faced with what you're doing every minute I'm there.

Don't you have any brains? Haven't you watched all those taiwanese dramas? And in which one did you find that the guy who flirts with his ex-girlfriend's best friend was a good guy? Yea, none. That's because people who actually have brains don't fucking do that.

So what was I? An obstacle? That prevented you from going to her? Or was I practice? Or was I just there so you could be close to her. Cuz you know what? You're a fucking idiot.

My friends have been telling you what I've basically been telling you. Except you never seem to want to accept it into your idiotic head do you? Oh you're just comfortable where you are.

So basically, what am I? The definition of that saying? Out of sight, out of mind? Is that what I define now? And when I come back? What will you be like? Will you go back to the person that I knew or will I not register in your mind anymore?

We'll see. Actually, I'll see, cuz you know everything perfectly clear in your mind.

[And I hope she's reading this too. Cuz you know what, H? You're being a really good friend right now. Hear that? A really good one. Some way you treat your friends. And I'm also hoping that if you're reading this you'll show it to him. Cuz he needs an awakening.]

So you know what?

Hotchkiss Info!

2008-09-05T03:25:00.004+08:00

It is obscenely lonely here.

Like, totally.

I mean, this is my first time being a new kid in.. 5 years. AHHHH. And I just discovered how hard it is to be a new kid. [so yea, i totally admire all of last year's newbies] I've also found that people here are really friendly at first, like they say hi and introduce themselves and everything, but they dont neccessarily accept you into their group.

SAS was just like, "hi who are you? Okay ______ (<-insert name here) you wanna sit with us?" It's just so much more open. Or maybe that's just cuz it's an international school. So new people are just so common.

Being new is just so hard. You don't know anyone that well, who are you supposed to sit with in the lunch room, where do you sit in classes. That kind of thing.

But there are an insane amount of new kids this year. During new kid orientation the place was packed. It was really weird, cuz I didn't really think that many people would be accepted.

Soo now about the school.

It's reaaaallyyyy big! I live in Bissel dorm :] On the 2nd floor. In room 201N. So yea, you can stalk me now. Here's my address if you want to send anything:

Katherine Mo
11 Interlaken Rd
PO Box 800
Lakeville Ct 06039-0800

And you know, you should totally send me stuff. Like care packages :] Food that can only be found in China, picture frames (of course with pictures in them). *cough cough*. When I emailed my mom I was like, SEND ME STUFF!!! Yea, with you guys I'll go, it's a good idea to send me stuff :D

About the rooms: I have a double right now, sharing it with a day student named Ariel Bush. She's really nice. But we don't hang out with the same people. So it's like, each person has a twin bed, a desk, those thingymabobs with drawers. We share a closet. But she doesnt keep her clothes here. So I have the entire thing to myself :]

The only bad thing about the dorms is there are only 2 bathrooms per floor. Each one has 2 sinks 2 toilets and 2 showers. But it works out fine I think. I haven't had to wait in line for anything yet.

The best thing is the dorm get togethers :) The whole dorm goes to this hallway or room and there's food and we play games sometimes. It's really fun. We have microwaves too, so you guys can send me microwavable food ;D HAHAH naah. I can buy my own food, the stores in town are stocked with american food.

I like my schedule. The classes I'm taking are Hotchkiss ensemble, science, english, music theory, chinese, math, human developement. I have a bunch of frees too :] I get Period 1 on Mondays free, so I can sleep in. And 3 frees before lunch and 1 free after lunch on Tuesdays. I get 3 frees on Wednesdays. 2 frees before lunch and 1 free after lunch on Thursdays. 3 frees on Friday. Awesome schedule eh?

Wednesdays are half-days so sports teams can go to different schools (around a 2 hour drive just to get there) and saturdays are also half-days for the same reason. You only get sundays off though :(

But the sports here are so much more intense. JV volleyball practices 2 hours very monday tuesday thursday friday and games are every wednesday and saturday. It's crazy. And then you have to fit in all the homework. But you can use free periods to do your homework. So I guess it all evens out.

The food here is actually okay.. it's quite good. Although they've taken out a lot of the 'junk food' from the menu :( like hotdogs and hamburgers. It sucks. There's lasagna though :]

Last topic is HOT GUYS!

Omg there are like SO MANY hot guys here!! But Lucy says most of the hot guys are players and most of the nice guys aren't hot. [paaah]. But they'll do for eye candy. There were these 2 hot guys in my orientation group who seem to be hot and nice. One of them is Asian, and he's more cute than hot. Really nice, a bit quiet though. The other one is blonde and he's got buff arms :] I talk to him more. His name is alex haha. Yea they're both in my grade.

And the thing about the walkbacks is totally true. Like, if a guy asks to walk a girl back to her dorm it's basically the Hotchkiss equivalent of asking someone out on the first date. But the couple isn't official till they've been on 3 walkbacks. There's also this thing about stalkbacks. Which are when the guy doesn't ask the girl if he can walk her back.
Also, during the time of day when it's dark but we don't have to be in our dorms couples like to go out on the fields and golf courses (anywhere dark) and hook up. Hook up as in all the way. The faculty cant do anything if they catch them. It's hilarious haha.

Anyway, this was one hell of a long post.
Much love,
K

Connecticut♥

2008-09-02T02:39:00.004+08:00

Finally here :]

After more hours of driving.

Soo, we stayed at my dad's friends' house for two nights. It's in Milbrook, which is near Poughkeepsie, in New York. They're called Katie and Clint and they're amazing :D So friendly!! They'll be the people I stay with when I just want to get out of the country or during long weekends where I cant go back to China. They have like.. 6 dogs. My brother's new best friend is now a 1 year old black labrador named Penny.

We also went horse riding (: Me on this really big horse named Butters and my brother on a pony named Blue. And we went canoeing afterwards :]

On the first night we were there we had this really big dinner with a couple of their friends. One of them will be a sophomore at Salisbury High :D He's 14, real cute, in a prep sort of way. Complete with the nice manners and the collared shirt you know? Although he wore a pair of skate shoes, which broke the image. And Salisbury High is just 6 miles from Hotchkiss I think. We might play them in sports, dunno. He and his Dad invited me to go stay at their house if I needa get out of Hotchkiss too :D

That concludes the story about Katie and Clint's ranch. But that's just their country home. If I want to go to New York for the long weekend after Christmas I can stay at their apartment there :D and go shopping. LMAO.

Soo, I am ALMOST in Hotchkiss now :] We're staying at the Inn next to the campus before I officially move in tomorrow. We sorta drove around campus today. The buildings are all the kinds made out of brick and look really old you know? But apparently they're quite new.. They have so many buildings and lots and lots and lots of grass and trees. It sorta looks like a university campus. Cept in the middle of nowhere.

Did you know we have to drive to NEW YORK to get Mcdonalds?! New York state, not city. But yea, you cross the border if you want to get to the nearest town, which is Lakeville. But then again, Hotchkiss is right on the border of Connecticut. But it's still strange.

The finally ends my uber long rant about stuff.

Much love,
K

In the East

2008-08-30T09:41:00.003+08:00

I'm on the East Coast!!
In New Jersey.

I've been so fucking tired from traveling.
In the past week I rode a plane FOUR times.

*sigh*

So tired..

ANYWAY.
Countdown: 3 days till Hotchkiss starts.

Much love,
K

A New Beginning~

2008-08-28T05:36:00.003+08:00

I think I used that title before.

ELLO PEEPS!!

I'm in america now :] Lots of shopping outside the hotel.

H&M, Anthropologie, Levi's, and the Valley Fair Mall. Which has like.. everything.

Soo, heading over New Jersey day after tomorrow. Then from there my dad will attempt to drive to New York. And then we'll drive to Hotchkiss.

I managed to fit all my stuff into just 3 suitcases. But one is GIGANTIC. Helen should know.

And I was watching this other drama right before I left China, called 会有天使替我爱你. The lead guy is really hot too :] The guys in chinese/taiwanese/korean/japanese dramas are always super hot. :D

How's school peoples?

Much love,
K

First day for you guys~

2008-08-21T21:50:00.003+08:00

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL FOR SAS-ERS!!

I've alreay had the full report from Asumi & Jess.

Soooo. Not too many newbies eh?

Oh, and we started another blog where Max&Jess will write about SAS stuff and I'll inform you guys about Hotchkiss stuff. It's:
http://timetofacereality.blogspot.com/

And I'll be back in Shanghai on the 25th.

BUT.

Sadly, only for a couple hours. I'll arrive sometime in the evening. Pack. And then head back to Beijing the next morning.

I'll stop by at Jess's in the evening to pass her a few things I want her to give peoples.

But sad we cant hangout :(

I'll be back in November :D

Much love,
K

Burr it's cold.

2008-08-18T01:06:00.004+08:00

Beijing is like.. FREEZING these days! Seriously! I wore a t-shirt and short shorts today, expecting it to be hot as normal, but it was SO COLD. It didn't help that the hotel keeps it's temperatures at like, 15 degrees C.

ANYWAY.

I watched track&field today at the Bird's Nest!! It was so.. suspenseful sometimes haha. I'll upload pictures soon :D once i find the connecting cable haha.

I finished 公主小妹 too! The ending is so.. un-climatic. She just LEAVES. Sheesh.

Oh and I was reading China Daily today and there was this quote in it by this athlete and he was like: "There are 16,000 athletes in the Olympic Village, there will probably be a case where boy likes girl and girl like boy, and sex will come into the picture." He was expressing his positive opinion on the free condomns that are given in the Olympic Village lmao.

----------------------------------------

<-- LOOKIE!! It's my Dad :] On a magazine called "Business". Awesome eh? This is the only one I scanned though. ----------------------------------------
Countdown:
Till SAS starts school: 3 days.
Till Hotchkiss starts school: 14 days.

Much love,
K

Hotel Luxuries~

2008-08-16T22:47:00.003+08:00

I finally have steady internet access!!

Awesome eh?

Cuz I'm staying at the Park Hyatt in Beijing :D The service here is AWESOMEE. Kinda creepy too.

Every say, 100m, there's an employee dressed in all black with a earpiece standing there.
In every elevator there's an employee dressed in all black to push the buttons.
And in front of every elevator place there's an employee dressed in all black waiting to push up or down.
For breakfast, each time you fill a plate with food/take a plate with food/get a drink, an employee will rush over and carry them for you to your table.
Once you reach the table another employee will be there to pull out your chair and unfold your cloth napkin.

SCARY.

I told my Dad, "I am not going to the hotel restuarant to eat breakfast, the service scares me. I'll be heading off across the street to the shopping place and i'll eat there" :]

---------------------------------------

Helen:
You know the show we were watching? 公主小妹? The one with the really hott guy named 瑾?

ANYWAYS. There was this one episode I watched after you left where he was walking around shirtless and *drum roll* he has a six pack :] and two tattooes on his bicep.

LMAO I know if you were there you'd be like.. squealing. It's so boring here without you haha.

By the way, the real version of Prince of Tennis we were watching is getting kinda boring. So I don't really watch it anymore.

---------------------------------------

Because you peoples are all asking if I'll be visiting before I go off to America:

I have no clue. Just read my previous posts for all the meager details cuz I can't be bothered to type them all out again.

Much love,
K

Visitations announced. Not.

2008-08-15T21:06:00.004+08:00

I have NO idea when I'm visiting. All due to my mom's very indecisive mind.

So I called her today and this is what the dialogue was like:

Mom: Give me a list of what you need to pack and i'll pack it for you.
Me: No way! I'm packing my own stuff!
Mom: But there's no time.
Me: Either way I'm coming back to pack my own stuff. And I still need to meet with my friends!
Mom: We'll see, I'll ask Dad.

SHEESH.

Anyway, my mom has my passport in Shanghai right now cuz she's doing my residence permit or whatever. So the earliest I'll possibly be able to come back is.. the 20th? Or the 21st. I have to be back in Beijing by the 24th for the closing ceremony.

So I might be back for a day. Or two. HOPEFULLY.

Life is cruel.

I'll be visiting in November during Thanksgiving break for.. around 8 days? When IS Thanksgiving anyway? Anyone want to clue me in?

COUNTDOWN-
Till SAS starts school: 6 days
Till Hotchkiss starts school: 17 days

Much love,
K

Back To Modern Civilization :D

2008-08-14T22:14:00.003+08:00

Okay so I FINALLY have internet. After my loonngg spell of not being in touch with the real world. One week is uber long for me.

So today Helen left :( she's been here.. 8 days haha. It's been F U N!! Tons of shopping again :D In Xiu Shui Jie (something like.. the pearl market?) and Wan Tong which are basically like science&techs. Cept they're MUCH better. Like, everything is organized, jewlery on one floor, clothes on another, shoes on another. It's awesome :D We spent so much money haha.

I got a PSP :] LMAO we're awesome. And a humongous bunch of those papers for those japanese stars you know? Already made 960 of them :D I need to restock on the papers haha. It's my new obsession.

Moving on~

I ditched Helen at home with the relatives (sorry :D) while I went to watch the opening ceremony. and OMG IT WAS FUCKING HOT IN THERE. NO AIR CON. Sheesh. So like, we had to walk an hour from the parking lot to even GET to the security check. And then wait in line for a further 2 hours to get THROUGH the security check. And then I sweated 10 pounds off during the ceremony. I'd rather have watched it at home jeez.

Me and Helen went to watch basketball on the 10th :D Iran against Russia and Germany against Angola. HAHAHAH Nowitzki :D

So how are your peoples' summers? UPDATE ME. I've been MIA for so long.

Much love,
K

Comments are back up!

2008-08-04T16:13:00.003+08:00

Okie so I'm in Guilin right now. And currently multi-tasking by writing this post and watching some drama called "天使情人".

----------------------------

SO. MUCH MUCH THANKS TO DIIIIOOONNN!!! For helping me get my comments back up :D AND all my previous ones are up there :]]

WEEEEE THANK YOU DION!!

So so comment comment peoples :D

----------------------------

Me ish be in Beijing TOMORROW! And pick up Helen from the airport on the 6th (:

OMG this pedestrian street next to the hotel I'm staying in is AWESOME! So many shops and it's SO cheap! (i got this pair of flats for 236 :D).

Meeting my 2 cousins and my nephews for dinner tonight (:

Much love,
Kathy

When You Lose One Something Will Take It's Place~

2008-08-01T20:57:00.003+08:00

Jessica can't come to Beijing to see the Olympics with me :(
Cuz of airplane ticket complications.
WAAAAH :'(
---------------------
I was thinking of not giving away the ticket anymore. But then my Dad was like, why don't you bring someone else?
And, I was talking to Helen on msn when my Dad said that. I was like, Helen's in Shanghai. I wonder if her Mom will let her.
So I asked her.

AND SHE CAN COME!!
YAY!
HURRAH!

Lmao :P
But Jess... :(
But Helen... :)

Much love,
K

New Layout :D

2008-07-31T21:43:00.003+08:00

I got a new layout!! It's so pretty!

But the minus side of this is WHERE THE HELL DID THE COMMENT PLACE GO? So for now, until I figure this out, can you peoples comment in the tagboard first please? Xie xie!!

Dion! Do you know how to add the comment page? Please heeelppp!!

Much love,
K

Change or Die.

2008-07-31T10:39:00.004+08:00

[Notice the full stop after 'die' on the title. Totally signifies you HAVE to pick one. LMAO I love that quote :D Claudian said it in Eutropium]

Things change. For the better and for the worse. I hate change. Mostly. Not in all cases though.

I hate change when it comes to the normal neccessities in life. Like if I was going to the sushi restaurant at SBM I would order what I usually ordered, I'm not up to trying something new.

I like routine. In the mornings I always wake up at the same time cuz of my damn alarm on my cell phone that I set. I totally HATE the song Comatose by Skillet now cuz it's my alarm song. (set to ring at 6:55 A.M.) It's really effective in waking me up. I usually have the same breakfast every morning and I'm out the door at the same time.

You know how you have routines? Like in the morning, you always have an order in which you do things? Wake up, go pee, shower, dress, brush teeth, eat. That kind? It bothers me to break them. Well I do break them if I have to. But I always go back to them.

Anyways I'm just babbling now.

So if I hate change so much why in the world would I want to go to boarding school? Yeah, if you told me I'd be going to boarding school in a month a couple years ago, I would've told you you were crazy.

But then I guess, I just wanted a really big change. I didn't want to be stuck in Shanghai and graduate here and then follow the life my mom has mapped out for me. I didn't want to spend 3 more years here with my oh-so-protective parents.

I want to be able to come home without having to redo my whole look. I want to get away from those weekly lectures my dad gives about stuff that has already been imprinted (Eclipse reference :P) into my mind.

And I guess, boarding school would let me do that. Although it's like.. prep school you know? Like, -shudder- formal dress codes and traditions that type. But hopefully it'll be MUCH better :D Somewhat like the boarding schools you read about in the books.

So this brings me to my point of this blog post:

I'm not coming back to Shanghai before my first break.

My plans have changed, yet again. I leave Saturday for Guilin and then on Monday for Beijing. And Jess will be joining me there on the 9th.

So that means I've got two days left here. Today and tomorrow.

I guess I won't be able to hang out with you guys after all. I'm going straight to America from Beijing. I'll be counting off the days till I can visit in November.

Helen, I can't do the Friday thing with you. I have to do my physical and I have to pack.

-Sigh-. Ima have to pack everything with me. My room will be positively empty after I'm done. Well, not empty. There'll still be stuff all over the place haha.

Jess, you wanna help me pack on Friday? Or it would be more like, you sitting on the bed scarfing down popcorn (extra butter :D) while I throw everything into suitcases. But I want some popcorn too.

Long story short: leaving Saturday, back November.

I'll miss everyone,
K

Top 10 Msn-ers for J U L Y ♥

2008-07-30T18:51:00.017+08:00

I'm copying Charlooottteeee by doing this :D

Haha but I think it's cool.

Sooo, here goes:

1. Zhen-An Tong

-Jeez are you ALWAYS online or something? Dude, go find something to do!

2. Jessica Hao

-This is my Jess-Summer :D I love you Jeeessss ♡

3. Richie Northen

-I'm not going to be in Shanghai when you come back :( So visit during Winter Break okay? Pleeease?

4. Helen Yu

-KM & HY, we're made to be together. One word: tubes. THE best day (:

5. Max Wang

-I miss youu!! Come back to Shanghai! Or at least get online D:

6. Asumi Matsumoto

-My 姐姐, where areee youu? (<-- That was a statement. Not a question. I know where you are). I miss you like CRAP ♥

7. Kevin Hsu

-Having fun with your summer, genius? Don't let your tan fade away before I can see it. Two words for you: advanced physics :P

8. Nathan Ren

-Get online Natie!! You have to tell me all about your time on the island! Don't leave me with only Zhen-an to talk to!

9. Whitney Wu

-Bumper sticker wars!! Our fb dps are always coordinated haha.

10. Charlotte Zhu

-Sushi (: You know I love your hat ;D

Much love,
K

"Tasting the Sky"

2008-07-29T14:29:00.006+08:00

This story is inspired off a conversation I had with someone on Facebook :D

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RrrrrrRrrrrrRRRRrrrrr.

The loud purr of the engine disturbed the silence of the night. She peered out the window excitedly, her eyes straining to make out any visible shapes. She smiled to herself as she saw that he had held up their promise.

The night air was cool and refreshing, much relief after the sweltering hours of the day. The stars twinkled overhead, bright enough to supply light to guide their way but still not bright enough to expose anyone should they be quiet.

She pulled on a light sweater and tiptoed down the stairs, stopping every now and then to check for any sounds of movement from her parent's bedroom. Standing on the porch, she waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. Soft laughter up ahead guided her to the one she had anxiously waited all afternoon to meet.

She ran over to him, still alert that any sound she made in the vicinity could possibly awaken her sleeping parents.

There he was. A Suzuki GSR 600.

She sighed happily as she ran her fingers over the shiny silver paint job. An impatient 'ahem' somewhere to her right informed her of the other important person she had neglected. She gave him a quick kiss and returned to carefully examining the machine.

"Ready to go?" His voice was like melted chocolate, warming her from inside out. He tossed her the spare helmet and she clambered on.

He muttered a quiet 'let's go' and the bike roared to life.

Exhilaration.

Adrenaline.

She circled her arms around his waist and rested her head on his back, enjoying the wind as it blew in her hair.

Content.

[Kathy]

Looking Forward To The Future ♡

2008-07-27T15:19:00.003+08:00

JESS IS GOING TO BEIJING WITH MEEEEE~~
Okay so my Dad got all these tickets to the Olympics from peoples and he said I could bring a friend to an event, so long as they pay their own air fare.
So Jess is coming with me to watch the Olympics :D WEEEEEEEEEEEE! But we don't know what we're watching yet haha. I told my Dad to try to get swimming, diving, synchro swimming, gymnastics, or volleyball tickets for us.

--------------------------------------------------

Sooo Jess here is all the info:
You need to pay for your own airfare but we'll provide the tickets and lodging and stuff. You'll share a room with me at our apartment in Beijing. Like I said, there's a mattress and a bed (i claim mattress. I love the mattress haha).
But you MIGHT have to go to Beijing on your own. Would your mom be okay with that? We can come pick you up at the airport and everything (with one of those homemade signs :D). Cuz my Dad is planning to have us go to Guilin the coming weekend and then straight to Beijing.
Depending on how long you want to stay we can go visit your friends. It just depends on how long your mom will let you, cuz it's not like we have to pay extra for your lodgings.
Once my Dad has the tickets finalized I'll tell you all the details and you can start planning.

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My Mom has gone crazy again and changed our plans. AGAIN. So this means that I WONT be here when Asumi comes back :(
BUT I'll come back to Shanghai before I go to America I think. So I'll probably be here when Claire and Max come back. Asumi, we'll hang out then kay?

Much love,
K

Goodbyes Are Inevitable

2008-07-24T16:02:00.014+08:00

Soo. I guess it is a bit late for dedications :P But I never got around to writing them and I've got half an hour to spare here so I'll write as many as I can. Just to remind you guys, Hotchkiss starts on September 2nd. And SAS starts on August 21st. I'll be gone from China mid-august. And I'll be in America August 20th something. My first visit to Shanghai will be in November during Thanksgiving for 8 days. Keep me updated okay? Msn, facebook, blogger, skype, phone, text, aim, email. And keep my memory alive (:

Max:
Max, you don't know how much you mean to me. You're the only one left of our original 6th grade group now that Claire is leaving too. Surprising eh? That we managed to stay together for four years in an international school. But as they say, sometimes you make the best friends internationally. Four years. Wow, that's long for me. I've always wanted to experience those times when you grow up with the kids you've known since kindergarten. Yea, never going to happen to us international kids. You're one of the 3 people (besides Asumi and Jess) I can tell almost everything to. And you're advice is awesome :D
Although after you moved to Shimao and changed you're home phone we barely called each other anymore :( But we'll make up for all the lost time by Skype-ing right?
You better keep the group together now that I'm gone. Take my place and introduce the newbies :D
I love you Maxie ♡

Asumi:
My 姐姐 :D We've had a gazillion memories together. I cant even begin to list them. Although we've only had 2 years together. Still long eh? But this year, this year was the best. I feel like you're my diary. Well, a diary who can talk. I can tell you everything and you always have something to say that'll make me feel better if I'm down. How do you do that? So pro haha. Now that we're 'engaged' on Facebook, we definitely have to keep in touch kay? Gotta make the long distance thing work ;)
Thank you thank you thank you for everything. Especially our memories. Volleyball, dancing, singing, wave pools. I wonder who'll you find to be your partner in volleyball now. Don't forget to push your hardest in practice okay? Even though Coach K is gone. Your serve is going to kill everyone next year. [Crabbies]. Fembot, Better Than Me, Tsunami. We're awesome :D How is Boob getting along? Dont let our favorite monkey die out on us (:
We'll msn as much as possible hear that? But we are doing a fine job keeping in touch through emails already. We'll go on our 'honeymoon' once you come back from Japan.
And I've already reserved a place on my desk in my room in Hotchkiss for a picture of us (:
You're my everything ♡

Jessica(hao):
Jess, you are your own species. Lesbo lovers for life :D Thank you times infinity plus one for hearing my complaints out. Without you I'd be nowhere. Don't forget to bitch at him for me kay? I still get somewhat pissed thinking about it. And you'll keep an eye out for me at SAS right? I don't deserve to vanish completely from there (:
HAHA the first memory I have of you is first day of school '08 :D You were the first newbie I inducted this year. Although that had something to do with the fact that you live in my compound. But living in the same compound is amazing. Trampoline days and pizza days. It feels awesome to be able to just walk to someone's house.
You keep on swimming your best. Make me proud. And seriously, dont try to hurt yourself again doing something completely normal. As much as I love you, I still hate it when you manage to injure yourself doing everyday work like carrying the groceries or turning around. Haha the cone incident :D
Chicka, we're meant to be together ♡

Helen:
Helen helen helen. You abandoned us this year! Sigh. But still, girl power eh? Good luck on your long distance relationship. I hope yours works out, as mine didnt. Although I'll keep an eye on Johnny, if our schools meet anyway. Keep on scoping out hott guys kay? Or rather, I'll keep on scoping out hott guys and you can keep commenting on how hott your boyfriend is [no comment on that].
Who'll do the Lulu Prager move with you now? We'll keep it between ourselves okay? Be good in P.E. Don't hurt anyone :P And find a great girlfriend next year. I mean, 'girl' friend haha. Keep the group together, I'd hate to come back and see it all apart.
I'm going to miss our guy talks. Although we could still continue it on msn :D But the day on the tubes was awesome. It was like, total girl-talk-day.
Keep your head above water babe ♡

Claire:
I gave you the prettiest color Claire-bear (:
Wow, it's like fate's on our side. The year I'm leaving you're leaving too. At least we didn't have to leave in different years. I don't know how I'd be able to survive with you in Puxi and me in Pudong. But I guess we're breaking our promise to stick together eh? We've managed to hold on to it for 4 years already. Poor maxie :P But girl, you're going to have to go online way more often now. Tell me everything that goes on in Puxi okay?
We have got a million memories too. Sleepovers <3>
Thank you for helping me out all these years. And the days with Siew :P Have fun next year running into her at Puxi. But we stuck it out and survived a year with Siew. She's not that bad in the end eh?
Keep that smile on your face. Always. ♡

Nathan:
LMAO we've had our ups and downs. Mostly downs. We argue way too much. I don't think I've ever agreed with you outside of the classroom. Except on one thing. But I can't remember what it is anymore. We'll keep on arguing, I just know it.
Natie :P Am I still the only one who calls you that? Good, let's keep it that way. It totally makes you sound more feminine. Haha jk :D Natie's a cool name.
You are the one who needs to find your head. Pull it out of your goddamn ass and look around! Then maybe you'll learn to start thinking with your brains and not your heart. It's for your own good. Guys aren't supposed to be that in touch with their emotions. It's like, an unwritten law.
Besides, you still owe me for that caramel frap at Starbucks. I expect you to pay me back in November. And I'm making sure a couple people will keep my memory alive for you :P Don't think you'll get rid of me this easily, enjoy your daily 'tortures'.
Don't forget to bring out the charm while fishing, Natie ♡

Richie:
Too bad you're going to Phuket instead of Hong Kong :( HK totally owns Phuket. Will you go back and visit?
Ima miss texting you till 3 in the morning. [Pajamas and goodnight sayings]. Keep your eyes where they're supposed to be :P And keep your hair short. I like your hair short better.
We've got a ton of memories together too. The cup of chilli, Borden and the Vogue magazine, flex class. Have fun in Phuket with your 'oh-so-awesome uniform' (notice the sarcasm). Get online often yea? Just because we cant text anymore doesnt mean we wont stay in touch.
Be a good boy ♡

Whitney:
Whit you are awesome. When I think about all our memories we're always being crazy. That's just how we roll (: Sushi love. We're totally in sync babe. Haha our minds think alike. It's like we were twins in our past lives (if past lives even exist). We order the same food, we laugh at the same time, we have similar styles, we enjoy doing the same things. Ice skating baby.
Your hyperness will be missed :D Im going to miss running around Science&Tech and SBM with you being all crazy and making the locals look at us strangely.
One word: Flex. And again, I am SO sorry about the volleyball thing. It was on accident ><
Never stop being crazy ♡

Krissica:
I'm putting you guys together cuz a lot of the things I have to say are about both of you guys. You guys are the first identical twins I've ever known. I remember when Kristina told me she had an identical twin I was like "O.O WTF??" But at the time Jessica was in my homeroom. I didn't actually know you guys were twins. I think I've only messed up your names 3 times in the whole time I've known you. Why did you guys have to leave in the middle of the year? Jess, my science and P.E. buddy, class without you is so much less fun!! And Kris, my '07 China Alive roomie, lunch was never the same :( Someday you have to go back to SAS and visit. Hopefully when I'm visiting too :D I'll even make sure to remember to bring back your really belated birthday presents. Tempted now?
You two are my heart and soul (you each get one) ♡

You guys are my life. It's going to be so weird without you guys there. We'll all keep in touch alright? If not, I'll hunt you down :P Well, not Richie. Cuz he wont be in Shanghai. But the rest of you, I will. Keep me posted on any news. Best friends for eternity.

Always and Forever? Definitely.

Strange Tan Lines Ftw~

2008-07-22T20:56:00.006+08:00

热带风暴FTW!!

It was A W E S O M E! okay yea, i never knew it was called Dino Beach. I thought it was two seperate waterparks actually. It took me FOREVER to convince my mom to let me go though. Anyone who knows me well will know how overprotective my mom is. But I managed to make her allow me go :D So it was Jess(hao), Dion, Charles, Whitney, Helen, and meee!!

So the waterpark wasn't as big as I thought it would be. It was TINY compared to those in America. But it wasn't TOO bad i guess. And the stupid colorful swirly slide was closed :( I really wanted to go on that one haha.

And WHITNEY!! Why didn't you come on the slides with us? They were S O fun!! Haha I totally needed that adrenaline rush.

The wave pool was awesome too :D just hanging out there for like an hour on the tubes. The 'lazy river' was the B E S T part though. Yea, we totally tried to stay together, but then me and Helen just drifted off. We spent almost two hours on the 'river', letting the waves push us, talking loudly in english so that people looked at us strangely, and scoped out hott guys ;D

There weren't a lot of hott guys though :( There was this one lifeguard who was manning the wave pool that was Hott with a capital H :D TOTAL 8 PACK!! Also we saw these 3 guys who looked Korean that were in the 'lazy river'. The only thing that was bad about them was their dyed hair (which totally looked fake) and their swimsuits. HAVE CHINESE GUYS NOT HEARD OF BOARD SHORTS? And me and Helen saw this REALLY HOTT guy while we were on our own on the 'lazy river'. 6 PACK FTW!!

And why the hell did someone invent Speedos? Is it just to reduce drag during racing or is also to "accentuate that part of men"? (<-- quoted from Helen). Seriously, BOARD SHORTS. Speedos are NEVER hot. Unless they're on competitive swimmers. like Michael Phelps :D And then we went to SBM for dinner. Sushi again :D the sushi place is awesome. Japanese food in general is awesome. I promised Asumi that the guy I'll marry will have to know how to cook. Guys who cook are just hott in their own way. Or maybe that's just cuz Tim has set the standards that way. Or maybe it's cuz I cant cook at all. The only thing I can make is like, instant noodles. That and those things you just have to stick in the microwave. It'll be a total plus if my future husband can make sushi :D HAHA. Japanese food♥ Thanks to Dion for the ride and Jess for the bikini bottom and her experience with the park :D If we didn't have her we'd totally be lost. ---------------------- So what are our future plans? Any hangouts? Whitney, I MIGHT be able to hangout thursday, not decided yet. I'll ask tomorrow kay? And me and Jess(hao) promised Whit that we'd go KTVing with her soon. Maybe in 2 weeks when she comes back. We're going to show her the music video of 叶子 by 阿嗓. It is our tradition to watch that video at least once during KTVing. Cuz the guy gets killed by a stationary car :D He was carry a couple bottles of green tea and he just walks into this stationary car and rolls up the hood. It doesnt look real AT ALL. So yea, that part just messes up the seriousness of the video. Here is the video:

Much love,
K

Concrete Angel ♥

2008-07-21T18:41:00.007+08:00

Here is Concrete Angel by Martina Mcbride on piano. In this version I'm actually playing the vocal part on the right hand. Once Jess join's in i'll go back to chords. :D

The video's quality is also really sucky this time too. I think it's the vibrations from the piano that give it the distortion.

And the disturbances in the background are from my brother running around ><

Also, one of my keys is dead. It's the C# key haha. So it makes this weird sound. The mess up i had in there was cuz i was thinking about those stupid bugs making a hell of a racket outside :P

[you can see my brother's toy motorcycle in the background :P ]

Here it is:

Much love,
K

๑•ิ.•ั๑ ••• ㋡ 4

2008-07-20T20:20:00.011+08:00

Okay so I have a video of the song on piano. It's not very good quality but you can hear what it sounds like on piano. And it's just a part of it, not the whole song.

Haha and I messed up a lot and the tempo isn't that constant. Any sounds you hear in the background is my brother smashing things etc.

Everytime I would start recording my brother would manage to yell or throw something on the ground. So I just got tired of trying to find the perfect take so this one is less than perfect.

I'll attempt to make a better one the next time my brother is out of the house. Which may be in a long time.

So here it is:

[And is it just me or do hands look less curved on camera? Cuz in real life they totally look like 'you're holding an apple' as my piano teacher says.]

Much love,
Kathy

๑•ิ.•ั๑ ••• ㋡ 3

2008-07-18T20:18:00.005+08:00

Jess came to my house today so we could try out the new piece :D

I almost finished writing the piano music for the song, i just have the key change left and that's only like, 10 bars.

I did make another copy of the vocal part but this time with lyrics and i changed some of the octaves in some parts. The lyrics are in pin yin though cuz the program doesnt recognize chinese characters ><. Here is the new vocal part with lyrics:

(click the image to enlarge it)

After Jess came to my house we figured out that the music of the chorus part is too happy for the lyrics. So we changed two of the lines in there. The vocal part i have in the pictures is the old version, without the lyrics we changed.

Sooo, after we finish practicing and recording this song we'll start working on "Concrete Angel" by Martina Mcbride (props to Helen for making me obsessed with it :P).

Much love,

K

๑•ิ.•ั๑ ••• ㋡ 2

2008-07-17T19:58:00.008+08:00

I finished transferring the vocal part of the song to the sheet music :D

I have it in 2 pictures here. But the lyrics isnt on the sheet so it makes it seem quite weird:

(click on the picture to make it larger)

Much love,

๑•ิ.•ั๑ ••• ㋡

2008-07-17T09:32:00.011+08:00

Sooo. The song is going good :D I finished writing it this morning and now I just have to practice it.

Jess, maybe come over to my house a bit earlier on Saturday so I can show you? Ionno, I'll ask my parents (Are you catching a ride with me on Saturday or are we going alone? I MIGHT need to go with you cuz my aunt is going back to Beijing on Friday and if my dad doesn't come home by Saturday I will be stranded).

The original lyrics are written by Jess and are on her blog. I rearranged the words and cut out some and added some so now it's like this:

从你说“我爱你”
我决定要跟你飘落到天涯海边。

不管这条路有多苦或甜蜜，
我也不会放弃。
你话后藏什么我看不见.

你背后站谁我是认不出。
可是我懂我自己心里的感觉,
我只能相信我只能信任.

你走到你生活最难时，
你会发现人生能接受无数的伤害.
生命变得更加痛苦与寂寞.

当你发现身边没有人,
你会懂得什么是孤独的真意思.
生命变得更加痛苦与寂寞.

你背叛了我的信任，
把我的爱变成了恨。

可是现在的我就是证明,

失去了你，我也行。
我永远不用再问你是否爱我.

你走到你生活最难时，

你会发现人生能接受无数的伤害.
生命变得更加痛苦与寂寞.

当你发现身边没有人,
你会懂得什么是孤独的真意思.
生命变得更加痛苦与寂寞.

生命已经写到这张了.

用我这双手，我会继续写出我的故事.
我需要的不是你，而是我自己。

现在我只是为自己而活.

这个故事里就没有了你.

这是我未来。

Any ideas for the song name? I'm thinking:

>你离别时
-or-
>未来

-or-
>生命

Pretty crappy names. SO I NEED SUGGESTIONS.

I have the music written down at home, it's reeaaallyyy messy haha. I've only got the singing part down though. I have an idea for the piano part but I need to write it down.

The song has one F sharp but there's a key change in the last verse; I added four flats (A, B, E, D).

Much love,

爱情

2008-07-14T20:09:00.006+08:00

爱情是多么珍贵的. 矢恋是多么痛苦的.

我不知道, 为什么我现在还那么想你. 我难过的时候也不会找你安慰我的心. 我只想要一个人听一听我的烦恼时, 我却找的也不是你.

为什么呢?

我不能让知己信任你, 依赖你. 你为什么一定要把我跟你说的每一件事情告诉她呢? 你甚至也打击了我跟她的关系. 从此以后我在也没有信任过你了. 你老是抱怨为什么我从来不告诉你重要的事情, 却你也不想一想着是你自己造成的后果.

"我爱你" 着三个字有一个很大的重要性. 我们在一起的哪一段时间, 我说了很多次 "我爱你". 但是我现在想一想, 我真的爱你了吗?

不.

爱情是很复杂的, 在我们的着个年龄还无法懂得他的真正的意志.

我现在已经为另外的男人而找想了. 现在我可以说, "哦着个很帅啊." 但是我还是想念我跟你的感情.

其实我不应该. 在最后的那几天你欺骗了我. 我当时傻糊糊的相信了你. 过了几天我才发现你说的话不时真实的.

为什么?

我也不知道你为什么会这样做.

我朋友都跟我说我不应该和你在一起. 他们对不对?

其实我只知道一件事, 就是永远永远的, 我的朋友会优先.

我还想你. 你想我吗?
K

UPDATE!

2008-07-14T09:48:00.003+08:00

My first blog-ish post :D

Okay so yea. My parents are being SUPER indecisive and now our plans are changed A G A I N.

So new story is that we're leaving MID-AUGUST. Hear that? Soo, I'll be here till the 15th or something.

When are you people's coming back?

>Krissica is already back I hear? From Japan! HOW WAS IT?

>Jess is here all summer :P LMAO we'll hang out soon.

>Asumi is coming back AUGUST 3RD. yay :D we'll have our honeymoon then
kay?

>Max is coming back WHEN? fill me in please.

>Claire is coming back AUGUST 18TH. Jeez late much?

WE SHALL DEFINITELY HANG OUT BEFORE I LEAVE KAY? GOOD.

Much love,

"Time To Face Reality"

2008-07-09T20:01:00.003+08:00

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!"

Cammie burst through the screen door dressed in a baby blue striped bikini and a loose sarong. Her guitar was slung across her shoulder, along with her beach bag.

"Ouuuch. Eiiii. Okay, the sand is hotter than I thought it would be."

She walked to the grassy slope and set down her stuff. Cammie inhaled, taking in the scents of the salty ocean and sounds of families frolicking in the waves. She had a few minutes to spare before Brendon got here, so she set her guitar on her knee and started singing the most recent song she had composed.

Traveling alone,
A single soul
Lost at sea.
Searching for a path
Leading home
Wherever it may be.
Broken hearts,
Shattered dreams
Continue as I walk alone.
A shadow appears
As I fall
Into arms unknown.
My strength is gone.
Yet faith arrives
With my journey's end.
What was one
Now is two
For I have found a friend.

The last note faded away and a guy's voice rang out behind her, "Nice song. Was it written for me?"

Cammie turned around so quickly she nearly lost her balance. She saw Brendon standing there, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Hi Brendon! Nah that's just a song I've been working on. Ready to hit the beach? Let me just bring my guitar back inside." She placed a quick kiss on his lips and ran inside.

From her bedroom Cammie glanced out of her window. She saw Brendon leaning against the fence, looking perfectly at ease. Sigh. Mm he makes the most satisfying eye candy. She never ceased to admire the physical attributes of her boyfriend. She continued to stare for a couple minutes. That faded light green t-shirt just made him look irresistible and also made his green eyes look even greener. She laughed, knowing the t-shirt hid the real goods.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!"

Cammie burst through the screen door, startling Brendon. He took her hand and they started walking to the beach. The sun was already pretty low on the horizon and a reddish glow was cast upon the sparkling water. Couples on beach towels dotted the beach and excited little toddlers ran around as their parents followed behind in floppy straw sunhats.

She ran to an empty spot on the beach and struck a pose, her silhouette framed by the sun. Brendon laughed as he lay down their beach towel. Cammie snuggled up to him as they watched the surfers out in the waters. She closed her eyes and took in his scent. He always managed to take away any of her worries. She took a long breath and let the smell of his skin fill her nose. You know the smell your guy always smells like? Yea that. It just smells so damn good.

"Nervous?" Brendon's voice broke in.

"You just made me nervous". She poked his stomach in mock anger. Damn that stomach's tight. Muscles upon muscles.

He tickled her back, making her squirm and laugh hysterically. "I'm sure you got in, stop worrying."

Just then, her phone vibrated in her beach bag. Cammie's face visibly paled as Brendon dug out her phone for her.

"Hello?" Cammie asked.

Heather's, Cammie's best friend, voice rang loudly in her ear. "Cammie!! The letters are here! Omg omg guess what? I got into UC Berkeley!!"

"Omg congratulations!" Cammie responded robotically. She truly was happy for her friend but the nerves were just taking over her. Those butterflies were starting to return to her belly now. "Hey I got to go now, talk to you later." She snapped the phone shut and turned to face Brendon.

Brendon answered her unspoken question. "Hey I understand, you should totally go back and check your mail. Call me if you still want to hang kay?"

Cammie gratefully gave him a hug and, gathering up her courage, ran back to the house. A couple envelopes lay on the dining table with her name printed on the fronts. Her eyes automatically found the heavy cream envelope with the word 'Yale' stamped on it. Cammie was nervous, very nervous. She wouldn't settle for second best, she had to get into her first choice college. She opened the envelope, cursing at the glue that held it securely shut. Cammie ended up just ripping the whole damn thing apart.

"We are pleased to inform you that…"

Her eyes took in the words on the paper, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Accepted. The joy would come later, as soon as the realization had set in.

[Kathy]

Those Black Velvet Shoes

2008-06-27T19:34:00.003+08:00

Spring was coming. Finally, white snow would no longer blanket the roads, the trees would regain their colorful clothes, the sun would come out to play for longer hours. A little girl skipped along the road, just out of school, enjoying the fresh air and happily looking forward to dinner. The remnants of snow crunched under her tiny black velvet shoes, each adorned by an elegant black bow. Mother had always made sure she looked pretty no matter what. Today she was wearing a nicely ironed light blue dress to match her eyes along with those black velvet shoes. It was a special occasion: her sixth birthday.

The farther she walked, the more sadness seemed to take over her body. She no longer skipped and her shoulders slumped. The happiness seemed to be chased out of her eyes and she kicked at the ground, stirring up little swirls of dust that settled onto those black velvet shoes.

Daddy had given her those black velvet shoes. But Daddy had died a month ago. Daddy killed himself in the living room with a .45 Caliber pistol. She could still remember the incident as clearly as she could remember her own name.

Mother had gone to the grocery store to buy food for their supper and she had just gotten back from school. In fact, she had walked the very road she was walking now. She was also wearing those black velvet shoes that fateful day; they were a Christmas present from Daddy. The last Christmas present she would be getting from Daddy. She had walked into the doorway of the living room and saw Daddy standing there with the gun to his head. He was crying, the tears making tracks down his face, but no sound escaped his lips. She stood in that doorway, just staring at Daddy.

Why hadn't she stopped Daddy? That question always haunted her.

Daddy closed his eyes and pulled the trigger.

BANG.

The noise shocked her eardrums and she watched helplessly as Daddy collapsed to the floor. He wasn't moving and there was blood trickling down his head. She tentatively walked forward a few steps.

"Daddy?"

There was no response. She couldn't comprehend it. Was Daddy sleeping? She stood in the middle of the living room, just looking at Daddy. She heard the lock click as Mother opened the front door. But she couldn't move, she couldn't tear her eyes away from Daddy.

"Tamara?"

Mother was calling for her. But she couldn't respond. Her mouth seemed to be duct taped shut and her feet seemed to be glued to the ground. Mother walked into the living room and her eyes widened as she took in the scene. Mother whispered Daddy's name and ran towards him.

That was the last thing Tamara remembered. She didn’t know what happened afterwards. But today was her sixth birthday, but Daddy wouldn't be there to celebrate it with her. Where was Daddy? Did he know that she would be turning six today? She looked down at those velvet shoes. I miss you Daddy. The tears in her eyes were fastening their seat belts and were ready for takeoff. Her emotions were an open book, and the dominant one was longing. She was longing for Daddy.

She could see something getting brighter behind her. What was it? She could hear a sound too. What was the sound? It sounded like a car. Tamara turned around. She could see the shiny red car getting closer and closer. The headlights leered menacingly at her, but she couldn't move. It was that fateful day all over again, her feet were glued to the ground and she could do nothing but watch the car getting closer and closer.

The driver pressed down hard on the breaks, the screech reminding her of the shot that killed Daddy. The car hit her head on. Her small body was thrown back a she lay there. The pain overtook her and she struggled to breathe. The driver had slammed the door of the car and was running towards her, talking frantically on his cell phone.

It was time.

She looked down at those black velvet shoes. I'm coming Daddy.

[Kathy]

A New Beginning

2008-06-20T17:42:00.002+08:00

Shrieks of laughter coming from a group of girls wallowing away the hot summer day in the lake punctuated the quiet of the small town. She walked along the edge of the lake, observing the happy group, oblivious to her surroundings. Sadness marred her face, tugging at the corners of her mouth and pushing the twinkle out of her eyes. Her eyes, pools of baby blue, were hidden behind chunky glasses. Her hair was an ordinary shade of brown, hanging straight down her back. Her clothes were what her trendy friends would label as 'dweeby'. But an inner beauty seemed to shine from within, straining to get through the blanket of sadness draped over her.

The day was perfect, white clouds framing the blue sky. The sun was out in full force, seeming to be smiling brightly at them, as if sharing an inside joke. There was a slight breeze, dancing on her skin and bringing her relief from the burning sun.

It seemed like just yesterday, when she was saying goodbye to her friends on the last day of school, eagerly anticipating sophomore year. It seemed like just yesterday, when she had strolled this very path with her best friend. It seemed like just yesterday, when she was still laughing happily with her friends, not caring about anything else in the world.

She had been in this mood for quite awhile now. She had spent the past few weeks of summer secluded from the rest of her friends, making up excuses when necessary. Her father had come home on day and announced that his company would be relocating him to California. That was when her world had crashing down. She would have to leave her life in her tiny hometown and move with him to California. The thought of leaving her hometown, the tiny town where she had spent the past fourteen years, was overwhelming. She had tried everything to try and make her father let her stay: anger, tears, sucking up. Nothing worked. She had to just accept the fact that they would be moving and wouldn't be able to go back unless her father's company moved him back.

The fears flowed through her. She tried to imagine her life in California, but every time she did, all she could see was darkness. She was scared she wouldn't be able to find any friends, scared that she might not be able to come back.

They wouldn't understand. What will happen if I tell my friends and them I'm moving to California for who knows how long? I might never be able to come back. I'm scared that they'll shun me, unable to accept the goodbye.

Should I tell them?

No. Wait, they're my best friends, they should understand.

No. They won't. Just give it up, just leave without telling them.

Either way, I'm leaving tomorrow. There isn't any time for goodbyes.

The setting sun cast its glow on the water, sparkling up at her innocently. She breathed in the scent of pine needles, wondering whether this might be the last time she ever would. She looked around her, remembering the memories she had shared with her friends. Remember the memories one last time before she stored them in the back of her mind and said goodbye to the town she had lived in for so long.

Three years later:

There was a new face in town. A beautiful face that stood out from the rest and did not seem familiar. Her glossy brown hair cascaded in ringlets down her back, her eyes were pools of blue rimmed with smoky black eyeliner, her clothes weren’t even on the market yet. She looked around herself, taking in the sights, the sounds, the smells, the memories coming back. She remembered everything she dearly loved three years ago, now just distant memories. She remembered the roads she had walked long ago, remembering every step she once took. She wondered whether her old friends would accept her back into the fold, her old fears about starting anew coming back.

[Kathy]

Whispers On The Ice

2008-06-14T18:38:00.002+08:00

The door banged open and the solitary person who rushed in brought with her a flurry of snow. She strided purposefully towards a door marked 'Backstage'. She sighed with relief as she entered the locker room and dropped her bags down. She was early: two hours early to be exact. Which was good, because warming up took at least forty minutes. She locked all of her stuff in her locker and headed into the arena. She surveyed the ice, an expanse of white, surrounded by rows and rows of seats. In approximately two hours, those seats would be filled. This was her dream. She was finally living out her dream. Nationals. She'd come this far, and she was going to make it to the end. She closed her eyes and ran through her routine in her mind, imagining herself hitting every jump, being in complete unison with her partner.

A gentle voice broke out, shattering the silence, "Chanelle." It was Scott, her partner of five years. "I knew I'd find you here." They'd been through thick and thin and today was their day. Today they would shine and achieve their dreams.

Chanelle smiled at him, "You're here early today. I was just about to go in and start my warm up." She gave him a quick hug and left the arena, hurrying to the aerobics room.

An hour later, she was back in the locker room, greeting the rest of the skaters who had begun trickling in. She pulled on her costume and slipped on her skates. Chanelle examined her skates, making a hundred percent sure that they were laced tightly. She looked at herself in the mirror, giving herself a pep talk. She stared into those deep green eyes, and in the mirror, she saw Chanelle. She saw who she was and who she was going to be.

Pull yourself together, this is the chance of a lifetime. It's what you've always wanted. You're finally here, so live your dream like it's reality.

It was time. Chanelle and Scott stood at the side of the arena. She took his hands and stared directly into his eyes, "I trust you, let's make this happen".

The announcer's voice boomed out into the arena, "Now let's welcome onto the ice, Scott Henderson and Chanelle Mirena!"

Deafening cheers met their ears as they glided out onto the ice. Chanelle took her position, feeling utterly relaxed. She reached out a hand, as if reaching to the heavens. The spotlight was on her and the rest of the arena was in darkness. The first strains of 'Tears of the Saints' sounded, and she struck out. The spotlight followed her every move. Serpentine sequence, you can do this Chanelle. Perfect, the crowd screamed it's approval. They continued their routine, side by side triple toes, perfect again. Triple twist, perfect. Throw double axel, perfect.

This was the skate of their lives. Chanelle could feel the adrenaline pumping through her. She started to want to perfect this program perfectly. She started wanting it desperately. They entered their last element, side by side camels. They hit it spot on and were completely in unison.

But.

Scott started to drift. Out of the side of her eye Chanelle could see Scott's outstretched leg getting closer and closer. Then it hit her. Literally. She felt a searing pain as Scott's blade sliced a gash into her neck. She heard a collective gasp go around the arena as she collapsed. Her head hit the ice, the cold a cruel reminder that this was reality. Scott dropped to his knees and cradled her neck. Everyone was stunned and the paramedics had yet to make a move. Then, just like that, the shock gave way to realization. Paramedics started jumping onto the ice and crowding around Chanelle. The media clicked away furiously, the story definitely would hit headlines the next morning.

She could she blood all around her head. Her blood. She stared up into Scott's eyes, his worried ones holding her pain-filled ones. "Tell me this isn't real," she whispered, "This was our chance, our dream. I want to achieve our dream."

He just stared back, his tears finally making their way past their barriers.

Chanelle could feel her strength leaving her, but she had one last thing to say. "Listen to the whispers on the ice." Then she walked into Death's open arms, leaving behind all she had.

[Kathy]

The End

2008-06-12T20:53:00.001+08:00

Hi you:

I guess it's the end now right? I'll be able to say some stuff now.

Three months and seven days we've been together. Would you call that long or short? For me, long. I've never been good at relationships and you know that. But you know what? We're two completely different people. You're down-to-earth while I'm spontaneous. You're always focusing on something and me? I'm just running around being the hyper-me with my friends.

I don’t want a relationship to completely take up my life. Maybe I don't want to be completely committed. Maybe I want the space to hang out just as much with my other friends. Maybe I don't want someone to get jealous when I hang out with my guy friends. The weird thing is, I liked being in a relationship. I liked the thought that there would always be someone to comfort me.

Our families are completely different too. You're allowed to do whatever as long as it's not on a school day. My mom is overly protective. So what? My closest friends understand and they do whatever it takes to protect me. You? You just complain about it to your friends and my friends. I know it would be very frustrating, but unless you would want me murdered alive then I would have to continue living my life like this. And p.s., don’t bitch about my family, especially my brother. I love them more than I'll ever love you.

And on the days I could hang out? You cant. Why is that? Why is that when just a couple days before end of school that you cant hang out. Your mom knows about us. She probably knows I'm leaving (maybe maybe not). Could you not take time out of your oh so busy schedule to hang out before I leave?

Those last few days you changed. You no longer talked to me on msn. You no longer tried to find me in school. What kind of a message were you trying to send? Because like that paranoid-little-girl I am I hopefully got the wrong one. I know you didn't like it before that I didn't talk to you first or try to find you in school so I shouldn’t be hypocritical. But I thought maybe we could've hung out more, to take advantage of the time we had left.

Everything that happened in between with her. It hurt okay? A lot. I trusted you at first, I told you everything. But then you had to go and tell her everything. It made me completely lose faith in you. So I never told you anything important again. I took my own troubles to those friends who mattered most in my life. I had to find out from my friends that you were up all hours talking to her on msn. I don't seem jealous to you do I? But I was. Insanely. I was just better at hiding my feelings than you were. I knew she still liked you, even after we started going out. And I was determined not to be jealous, I was determined not to let anything come between my relationship with you and my friendship with her. But those friends of mine who I really trusted changed my mind. They told me everything they saw, and my opinion was changed. I was so determined to believe that she had gotten over you, and that she wouldn't come between us. But judging from what my trusted friends told me, she hadn't. And that worried me.

Seriously, I know you weren't too fond of my best guy friend at first. But I'm telling you now: you're a bastard. He's one of the closest friends I'll ever have and I wont let my boyfriend hate my best friend. But you know what? You continued on doing that. You never even tried to accept him. You were scared there was something going on between us. And there was nothing. He's been my best friend for four years. Four fucking years. I've known you for what, since January? I'm not going to throw away one of the best friends I'll ever have for you. So stop being jealous.

After a long lecture by one of another of my trusted friends I've pinpointed what you are: insecure. You're goddamn insecure. Sometimes I just felt so frustrated, I just wanted to scream in your face to get a hold of yourself. I was not going to break up with you unless I had to. I wanted you to stop being so goddamn insecure and telling your friends and my friends about your troubles. Fucking just pick a couple of your closest friends kay? No, you had to go and tell four people. Four goddamn people. And three of those people fucking lectured me for five fucking hours. Each saying the same thing. So pull yourself together.

So other than those feelings I just ranted about up there, our three months and seven days was awesome. I really really loved you and some part of me actually wanted to do long distance. Crazy eh? I know long distance never works and I know I'll probably be the first to fail on it anyway. But that's how much I liked you. I just wanted to know that there would be someone waiting for me when I came back.

I just wanted to get these feelings out. I feel so much better now that I've ranted about it. I know you probably wont read this, if you do, then you'll know everything I was feeling when I was in that relationship with you. My friends will always matter the most to me, and I don't tolerate my own boyfriend bitching about them. Thank you so much, M and A, for being there when I needed you. They were the ones I wanted you to be like but you never achieved it. Trust left our relationship pretty quickly, and I'm in no hurry to search for it. I've said all I ever ranted about to my trusted friends. Thanks for those three months and seven days.

I loved you,
K

[Kathy]

"Filled With Hope"

2008-06-08T13:50:00.001+08:00

When she was just born, her big eyes contemplated the world, taking in the sights, the sounds, the smells. She wore those cute little dresses, socks with lace, shoes with bow ties that Mommy had so lovingly picked out for her. She giggled in delight as Daddy bounced her up and down in the air, riding proudly on his shoulder: Daddy's little girl.

When she was one, she took her first steps, never discouraged, collecting bruises of all colors along the way. She held Mommy's hand as she was sent off to nursery school, big blue eyes pleading to just take her home, not to leave her in this room of strangers. Her stubby little legs carried her as fast as they could go in a game of tag with Daddy, somehow always winning.

When she was five, she stood in front of the school gate, filled with apprehension as she looked at all the other little kids being dropped off by their mommies and daddies, clutching Mommy's hand tightly, seeking security and warmth. She carefully traced her way through her first alphabet book, Daddy's big steady hand holding her small tiny ones, each letter being traced over in No. 2 pencil.

When she was ten, she graduated from elementary school, her diploma and class picture proudly framed above the fireplace. She asked Mommy to stop calling her by her pet name, she started calling Mommy Mom, saying that 'all the other kids did it'. She begged and pleaded Daddy for her first piercing, admiring the pretty dangly earrings the other girls wore, striving to be like them.

When she was thirteen, she graduated from middle school, gave her graduation speech in front of a sea of listening ears. She spent her last carefree summer in the pools, malls, theaters, with her friends, rarely spending any time with Mom. She started calling Daddy Dad, saying that she wasn't 'Daddy's little girl' anymore, that she was a big girl now. She discovered makeup; layers of eyeliner and mascara overshadowing her once innocent blue eyes. She discovered the 'cool clothes'; mini-skirts barely covering one third of her legs, shirts with a low front to reveal just a shadowy hint of cleavage. She discovered the basic survival skills to make her way through high school; make a few best friends, befriend everyone, bitch about those you don't like.

When she was fourteen, she entered high school, idolized the seniors, flailed under schoolwork, climbed the social ladder rung by rung. She no longer asked Mom for help or advice, no longer played any games with Dad. She immersed herself in sports, struggled to maintain her grades, got her first serious boyfriend. She finally found out who were her true friends and who were just bitches. She held her head high, regardless of what pain she hid underneath that perfect face. That perfect face; on the outside she was the girl to be, yet on the inside, she was sinking. Stress. Emotions. Life was hard.

When she was sixteen, she started her junior year, already preparing herself for the nights of studying, preparing herself to accept the reality that her social life would be depleted to about nil. AP classes took over her life, doing well on the SATs were her only goal now. Her friends all seemed to make life look so easy, was it just her that felt it was too hard? Or were they hiding behind perfect faces? Mom was just a distant thought now, always supporting her from the background, but never seeming to be a major fixture in her life. Dad was always caught up in his work, never seeming to be paying attention to her.

When she was seventeen, college was waiting up ahead with outstretched arms. Senior year. She finally found the chance to pull her head out of her books and take a look around. She drank in all she could, trying to cram in all the memories of her hometown. She realized, with shock, that Mom had changed. Her once golden hair was now streaked with grey, wrinkles had claimed seats on her face, she no longer seemed to have a spring to her step. She realized, with shock, that Dad had also changed. His world seemed to revolve around work, she rarely saw a smile on his lips, his eyes were heavy with stress. She realized, with shock, that she would soon be leaving Mommy and Daddy, all the memories came rushing back. She regretted the time when she never spent enough time with Mommy, she regretted the time when she told Daddy that she wasn't 'Daddy's little girl' anymore.

When she was twenty-five, she was engaged, planning out her wedding to that perfect guy, her Mr. Right. She was caught up in the sweet kisses, the romance, the reality, and she never gave a second thought to her parents. The very parents who had always been there for her, whether she pushed them away or embraced them. The wedding day came, and she realized, with a jolt, that the Daddy that would be accompanying her down the aisle was no longer the smart and strong guy she had admired when she was little. She stood at the alter, next to the guy she planned to spend the rest of her life with. And she realized, with a jolt, that the Mommy crying tears of joy in the first row was no longer the beautiful Mommy who she had always strived to be, no longer the Mommy who's every move she carefully studied.

When she was thirty, she was enjoying her marriage to that perfect guy she had married five years earlier, when she gave birth to a daughter. And she realized, that soon she would be 'Mommy'. Soon her daughter would stop calling her Mommy, soon her daughter would discover makeup, cool clothes, love. And she would be pushed to one side, helplessly watching her daughter struggle through life, knowing that everything she felt was what her Mommy had once felt.

[Kathy]

"One Last Time"

2008-06-08T13:45:00.001+08:00

Her head was filled with angry fights, disappointed faces, confused thoughts. She observes the past and wonders, what went wrong? Was I the one who caused all this? Her past, present, future, her life, was a jumbled up jigsaw puzzle that seemed impossible to put together. Disappointment and regret seemed to be the only emotions flooding through her these days. All she had, everything, everyone, was lost.

She had lost the courage to look up into her parents' faces. The very faces that had once sported bright smiles, the very mouths that had congratulated her for that A on that test, the very ears that had once drunk all her complaints. Now those faces made her heart throb with pain, a simple glance opening the gates for the tears to flow.

They've given up on me. The ones I had always admired, depended on, strived to impress. I'm just a failure to them. I never meant to do them wrong, I never meant to bring this mess into their lives.

Those closest to her had disappeared. Those who had once been her support, were now just a distant light of hope: unreachable.

She had long lost the smile on her lips, the spark in her eyes, the will to do anything. She walked the halls, surrounded by a sea of people, yet she never felt more alone. The arms jostling her, the cheerful laughs, the sight of people chatting at the lockers; just memories, hazy memories that she had to drag out from the depths of her mind. Her friends, had always been by her side, had comforted her when things had reached rock bottom. Now, just hanging around them seemed to suck out all her energy, leaving her with just an empty shell.

They make excuses, I can see that under the inviting faces they put on that they just really want me gone. Gone so that I can pull myself together, to find the one I used to be. But who was that person? I'm searching, almost desperately. I want my life back, I want to be who I used to be, I want my friends, my family. I cant let one thing destroy my life completely. But it already has. I would give anything to be able to regain what I had.

She searches for that escape, the escape that will let her run away from all of this. But she know it'll never come. She searches for those wings, wings that can carry her away from all this sorrow and despair, so that she can fly high above it and never go back. Now is when she needs her survival instinct, to pull her out of that abyss. The darkness suffocating her. How she wished that there would be a hand to be her rope, hope to be her light. But there was none. She's sinking. Farther and farther, until no one can help her, and she has to depend on herself. But how can she when she doesn't even know where she's gone?

She commands her legs to function, her brain to think, to guide her out of this web of trouble. Then she'll find it. Where she stands, what her purpose is. Her life. The only hope she has now is to believe. Believe that one day, someday, she'll find the way to put the pieces of her life together, to make the puzzle whole. And she'll she the picture. The picture that illustrates her stance, her purpose, her life. And she only needs one person: herself. No one else.

All she has to do now is to wait. The day will come.

Believe.

[Kathy]

"For The Girl I Used To Be"

2008-05-02T21:11:00.001+08:00

It's been a while.

A solitary person, silhouetted against the brightening skyline. She breathed in deeply, taking in the smells she used to smell everyday, cherry blossoms and cinnamon rolls. There was not another person around for as far as she could see. Or maybe there was. Yet whether there was or was not, she was not seen. But how she strived to be seen, to be heard. Deepest yearning poured out of her. But no one heeded her calls.

It's been a while. Since i walked these streets. Since i listened to the sound of children dancing in the gardens. Since i felt the cool breeze on my face, leaves rustling around my feet.

She was still beautiful. Her hair hung loosely around her shoulders, her eyes dark and smoky, her clothes the epitome of perfection. Yet her hair had long lost its shine, her eyes had long lost its twinkle.

I had always been on the inside looking out. But i guess now i'm on the outside looking in. I had always been in control of what my life was about. But i've lost everything.

She reached that corner. The corner where everything she had was torn away from her. Maple Street. Kings Road. That intersection was the last memory she had ever had. The stark whitness of the letters against that deep green. But remarkably, she had no hatred when she looked at those signs. She felt no fury, no anger, no rage.

I guess this place holds some meaning. Yet i cant feel it. Do i have no feelings anymore? No emotions? Have they all disappeared like everything else in my life? I see the curb. The curb where i took my last steps. I see the club. The club where i last had any fluids. That strawberry-banana smoothie. I can still taste it on my tongue, it's as if no time has passed. But it's been a while.

[Kathy]

"万分之一的机会并不难碰上"

2008-05-01T16:28:00.001+08:00

She could hear the music pounding downstairs, beckoning at her to join the party. Girl's night out, no need to impress any guys. She stood in front of the mirror, her steady hand balanced in front of her eyes, slowly brushing the mascara wand through her lashes. Her outfit hugged her closely, showcasing her best features. Today, she would be the life of the party; the brightest star in the room, the one to meet. Today, she would throw away all inhibitions, all worries, all queasiness. Today, would be her day.

Satisfied with her appearance, she made her way down the stairs, picking up a strawberry-banana smoothie, purposefully ignoring the alcoholic drinks. She spotted her friends on the couches next to the stage; each hand held a drink, each mouth was turned up at the corners, each and every one of them was looking glamorous. She sat down next to them, easily slipping into their conversation. Soon enough, her glass was empty and she was up on her feet, ready to dance. She lost herself in the music, shaking her hips, hands up in the air. Laughing, she headed back to the couches with her friends and, suddenly exhausted, dropped down on them. Her shoes will killing her: yeah, wearing heels to a party is never a good idea. But beauty comes with a price. And the air in the room had become stifling, she just needed to get out. She stepped outside, enjoying the cool breeze on her face, and pulled out her phone, automatically pressing speed-dial number 1: him.

"Hi, baby. Yea, I'm just taking a break right now."

His voice sounded sweet and melodious in her ear, calming any worries she had, and bringing her to the next world. The light turned green and she stepped off the curb, heading in the direction of the convenience store across the street. A screech of breaks, blinding headlights. Her body was thrown back, phone flying out of her hand, landing a couple feet away, battery pack coming loose.

I heard myself scream, a disembodied voice, seeming to come from a distance. I felt like my body was turning inside out, needles of pain piercing me. There was blood all around me, my blood. I heard yells all around me, but I couldn't see who they were coming from, "Call 911", "Omg please don't let her be dead". I could hear everything, I could feel the pain, but I couldn't see anything.

Suddenly, I awakened. Yea, just like that, I opened my eyes. I looked around me, where is this place? Hallways of white, fluorescent lights, a gurney was placed near the wall, a crowd of people gathered around it. I made my way towards it, hearing sobs. And then, my name. I quickened my step, until I could see who it was, lying in that gurney. I saw me. I was still in my party clothes, eyes closed peacefully, as if just sleeping. Shards of glass were stuck in my skin, my body was a mangled mess. Wait, or was it me? I was right here. I saw my best friend holding my hand, her tears falling on my face. I saw my boyfriend, slumped on the ground by the wall, his head on his knees. I saw my mom, her face white and pale, her grief was beyond tears.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell with all my might: that's not me! I'm right here! But no words came out. Wait! Don't pull that white sheet over my head! I cant be dead. I've been a good girl. I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs. God wouldn’t be that cruel. I'm only in high school! I'm supposed to have a wonderful life ahead of me. I haven't lived yet. I cant be dead!

Please. I'm still here. I cant be dead. Mom and Dad don’t deserve that kind of pain. My friends are walking around like zombies. My boyfriend is too weak to let any more tears fall. Please, somebody, just bring me back. I cant be dead. I haven't lived my life yet. I want to walk again, to run, to dance. I want to talk, to laugh, to sing.

God, just give me one more chance. Bring me back. Please, God.

[Kathy]

"I'm Slipping Out Of Gravity's Hold"

2008-04-29T22:05:00.001+08:00

We always take things for granted. We never realize how precious a thing is until it's gone and we cant get it back. So i'm looking ahead, and if i get into Hotchkiss, these are what i'm going to miss.

That is, assuming that i am getting in. Because that's what i'm scared of. I put so much time, effort, money into this. And if i get rejected? Sure, it'll hurt my pride a lot, but it'll discourage me. A lot. I spent days and nights studying for the SSAT, which made my social life about nil back then. I poured so much effort into the applications and interviews, missing my own birthday party to fly to Beijing to do the interview. And if i get rejected? All that was for nothing. Of course people will say, you can just try again next year. But next year is going to be the same process. Taking the SSAT, filling out applications, flying somewhere to do the interview. So i'm scared now. Scared that i wont get into Hotchkiss, scared i'll have to stay in SAS. It's not that i dont want to stay, of course i want to. But we all have the power to shape our future, and right now, i'm shaping mine and not following the guiding hands of another. But what if the thing i tried to shape comes out wrong? Then i'm stuck following the path already set out for me.

These are what i'm going to miss:

Getting up at five thirty every morning, stumbling into the shower half-asleep, and then sitting in front of my closet for ten minutes just staring and not able to pick out anything.

Walking to the bus stop listening to my current obsession song and chattering loudly about nothing in particular on the bus.

Hiding out in the couches around the corner to avoid their watchful eyes, staying until the last minute, until we hear the sharp shrill of the whistle, signaling that they would soon come to kick us back to homerooms.

Frantically studying for tests in homeroom and obsessing about the most random things.

Having those spastastic moments during P.E. class, laughing until no sound comes out, and flailing arms smacking the nearest objects.

Ignoring the teacher's disapproving glares, throwing things across the room, and making up sentences in chinese that don't even make sense.

Hands hovering above the buzzers, listening impatiently for the question to be read out, cringing as the sounds of hands slapping on plastic and disappointed groans drowned out the victory yells of that one group.

Trying to memorize in the last few minutes left, but seeming as if it was as impossible as trying to hold onto sand.

Squeezing into one table at lunch, attempting to squish more than five butts onto one bench, people falling off as one person balances all of the trays towards the food drop-off.

Running around SBM, in search of that one shop, but giving up and settling into the comfy couches in Starbucks, sipping ice cold fraps under the blasting heat.

Staying up to three in the morning texting, listening to soothing songs, falling asleep and only waking up the next day at noon.

Him.

[Kathy]

"YKK Zippers"

2008-04-29T19:46:00.001+08:00

Shrieks of laughter from the small group of friends punctuated the quiet of the neighborhood as they walked towards the playground. There wasn't another person in sight in the neighborhood located in the middle of nowhere save for some guards and gardeners. It was a perfect spring day, the perfect day to hang out outside. The sun was out in full force, seeming to be smiling brightly at them, as if sharing an inside joke. There was a slight wind, rustling the petals strewn haphazardly upon the ground, but cold enough to cause goosebumps to erupt on their skin.

A couple fell out of step with the rest of the group, keeping their distance but close enough to still seem as one tightly knit group of friends. His arm was wrapped around her shoulders, sheltering her from the gusts of wind. There was a smile on her face as she listened to him ramble nonsense. To the unknowing, they would appear as a couple living in their own fairytale story, completely happy, with nothing troubling them. But upon closer inspection, her eyes told a story. The story of a troubled young girl. She really was trying to live in the moment, enjoying it while she could. And she somewhat succeeded, but her future loomed over her, and she knew that the life that she knew would come to an end way too soon.

They were laughing crazily, anticipating the holiday coming up in a couple days, just letting loose and having fun. A girl broke out of the group, dancing and shaking her hips to the music of kids crying out from the softball field and the rustling of the leaves overhead. The guards all stared at them, but they continued on, not caring about anything except having a good time. Soon enough they got to the playground. Sure, they were already in high school, but even oldies get to have some fun right? They all dumped their bags in a heap on the grass and ran through the gate with a sign that said: Kids aged 3-10 only. Well, rules were meant to be broken weren't they?

They walked slowly up to the gate, watching the others make their way through the sand to the swings. She stood on top of the gate and leaped off; her body, carrying the skill of a figure skater and the gracefulness of a dancer, was framed against the sun, the perfect picture moment. She landed perfectly, arms out, head up. Then her legs crumbled under her and she collapsed into the sand, laughing her head off. Her eyes lit up and all troubles were forgotten as she ran towards the last empty swing, squealing as the sand she kicked up got into her shoes. She pumped her legs harder and harder, urging the swing to go higher and higher. Her head was thrown back in laughter and her eyes were filled with pure exhilaration. She prepared herself for take off, pushing off in mid-swing, back arched, enjoying the feeling of weightlessness as she soared to a perfect finish.

The group gathered around the cell phone playing music in the middle, singing along to the tunes and giggling excitedly. She layed back and enjoyed the sunshine on her face, warming her from inside out. A loud laugh jolted her from her daydream, bringing her back to reality. She blinked, the bright sunlight too much for her at first. She breathed in the smell of freshly mown grass, the scent calming her. And soon, too soon, they had to begin the walk back to school. They slowly walked back, all of their hyperness had disappeared, the thoughts of homework and tests weighing down on them. Suddenly, she spotted something glinting on the sidewalk. She knelt and picked it up. On it were just three letters: YKK.

[Kathy]

"Walking The Plank On A Sinking Ship"

2008-04-28T16:33:00.001+08:00

This was inspired off of one of my friends who just went through a hard breakup with her boyfriend.

---------------------------------------------------

The stars were out, lighting up the pitch-dark sky. The rain was coming down in sheets, drenching the unfortunate who had forgotten umbrellas, creating puddles so that navigating the roads became an obstacle course. She looked around her; everyone was in cars, in the buildings, or holding umbrellas. A group of friends were laughing and singing to the radio in their car, the windows steamed up. They're probably all toasty in there, enjoying the company. The lights in the nearby building were still on, despite the late hour, revealing a young girl hard at work, her desk strewn with papers, her coffee cup tipped precariously at the edge. Will that become me? A couple was standing under an umbrella, oblivious of their surroundings, engrossed in each other.

She hurried on, choking back a sob, fighting back tears until she reached the small road that would lead to her house. A quick look into the darkness and over her shoulder revealed that she was alone. Then she let loose; she lost all control and her emotions took over her. She threw away her umbrella, letting the rain fall on her upturned face, accepting its cold as punishment for her stupidity. She bit her lip, the sobs overwhelming her, the tears pouring steadily down her cheeks. How could i have been so stupid? To trust him like that? To believe that there was actually a meaning behind his words? Her hair, preciously curled that morning, was starting to fall back into place. Her makeup was running, mascara and eyeliner creating black tracks. Her favorite top was being drenched so it stuck to her skin like saran wrap.

All along they had been right. I had ignored the people i was supposed to be listening to and believed the person who never put faith behind his words. She fell to her knees, no longer caring; caring about the mud, caring about him. Suddenly, she stood up, and started running. The rain pounded relentlessly, yet she pushed on, shaking the water out of her eyes, her tears mingling with the rain. She had no sense of direction anymore, just followed where her feet carried her. She followed the path they had walked so many times before, up and up, pushing herself harder and harder. Her body was screaming at her to stop, her breath was coming in short gasps, and she could barely see through her swollen eyes. Yet she pressed on. She emerged from the trees into the clearing overlooking the city, somewhere they had sat so many times, not caring about anything in the world, just holding each other and enjoying the scenery. The words of her friends ran through her head. Never fall for 'i'll love you forever', he's not worth you. The memories that she had tried to shove into the deepest recceses came flooding back as she took in her surroundings. No longer were the tears falling. Sadness was replaced with anger, love was replaced with fury. They're right. I should've listened. Words are just words, they don't mean anything. I'll show him i'm better off without him. I'll make him beg to see me, make him miss me, make him love me, make him suffer. He's not the one. I'm better off without him.

She walked to the edge of the clearing, to the place where the railing met the edge. She took in the city lights, blinking at her innocently. She breathed in the scent of pine needles, its fresh smell enhanced by the rain. She looked around her, remember the sweet memories she had experienced in that very spot with him. Remembering the memories one last time before she locked them in the back of her mind, forgetting him forever. She turned around and slowly made the trek down the trail.

Now i know what to do. I won't make mistakes like i did to this one. I know what i've done wrong and it'll teach me to be less like that. This is what i've learned. For the past months of being with you.

[Kathy]

"I Try To Remember"

2008-04-27T14:21:00.001+08:00

Life goes by so quickly; the seconds turn to minutes, the minutes turn to hours, the hours turn to days. And it's always the good times that go by the quickest. Sometimes I just want to stop time to just let me live in that moment. Not worrying about whatever may lay ahead, not obsessing over the mistakes I made in the past, but just savoring the moment. Just being in the prescence of my friends is like the sweet sugary syrup slipping down your sore throat; it makes you laugh again, it makes you forget about all the bad things in your life. Right now we only acknowledge the things that we should be cherishing. We should be cherishing the little time we have left, not just taking it for granted. Every birthday party i've missed might be the last one i could've gone to. Every lunch time just sitting out on the grass, enjoying the feeling of the sun on my face, is one of only thirty two times left. Every time i close my eyes and wish for my surroundings to disappear is another time i'm passing over the chance to take advantage of the time i have left. Of course, i'm not wishing for life to be filled with ponies and rainbows. There should be some hard times thrown into the mix so that we can learn from our experiences. Now i realize that whenever i'm looking forward to something and saying, i can't wait till the weekend, i'm chipping away at the tiny woodblock that represents my life left back here.

Sometimes we have to make really hard decisions. We're faced with the impossible, and we ponder the consequences. And sometimes, we're leaning towards the easier decision, but the harder one is the one we know will best benefit us. I've rejected it before, only willing to hold onto my friends and the only life which exists to me. But when i did decide to walk down the road so overgrown with vegetation that i cant even see what's ahead, i know i did the right thing. Sure, occasionally i can see the other road across the river, populated with people having fun, a well-travelled trail beaten into the ground. And then i look at the road i'm travelling on. I strain my eyes to see as far as i can, i look over my shoulder, closing my eyes and wishing that there would be someone following me or guiding my way. But then i open them, and i'm faced with reality, i'm the only one on this path, and there's no one to guide me except for occasional signs along the way. I walk on. I can feel things flitting around me; memories tugging at me to turn around and go back, the faces of friends floating up ahead, the encouragements of them the only guide. But i've gone to far and there's no turning back now.

We all know that no matter how hard we pray, how hard we hope, there will always be some bitterness mixed into the cocktail that is life. Nature is a cycle. The sweet, flowery scents of spring give way to the sun-filled days of summer, which in turn, are painted over with a warm palette of autumn colors. The colors are washed away, leaving only the white canvas that is winter, which will soon blossom into spring again. However, life isn’t a cycle. Life only goes around once. We all have to wake up sometime to the reality that nothing is really permanent and everything fades away in time. We're all born optimists, yet some people chose to look upon the negative aspects of life. We all want so badly to believe that the gold in everything can come back, even after it is lost. Under careful consideration, it is discovered that the gold doesn't reoccur with the seasons as we had once hoped. Who wouldn’t want to cling to gold? But it is just too hard in a world like this. We should live life to the fullest; everything good has to end, so we should make the most of what we have when we have it. We should try to focus on the beauty in life, discover new things, and never get bored with the small and great miracles of life. We should always hold on to what we cherish and never let them slip away. But they do.

[Kathy]

"No One Said Life Would Be Easy But No One Said It Would Be This Hard"

2008-04-26T21:21:00.002+08:00

Life is not easy. And it never will be. But when i've thought about it, 14 years of my life has already gone by. 5110 days, 306600 hours. I always feel that when i'm in class i'm always waiting for it to end, i'm always staring at the clock, willing it to change to the next digit. But i guess, once every class goes by, that's another hour off my life. And yet, i've never said to myself: life is easy. It's always been: life is hard, or life is cruel. I've always tried to be an optimist, but sometimes life throws something at you, and it doesn't just leave a scratch on the surface, it cuts deep within.

As adolescents, life's challenges seem to be at it's utmost hardest. Yet have we ever just paused and thought about our future? Sure, I've thought about my past, my present, my future, and i've compared them. The past seems to be a paper cut, while the present is like trying to scratch a diamond. If we think life is hard now, our future's going to be insane. Right now, we take everything life throws at us, gritting our teeth and with some complaints. And i guess, maybe once we get to adulthood we'll be prepared for it, and it wont seem as hard. When i think about it right now, all i can see is blankness. I have no idea where i'll be and what i'll be doing. It's kind of scary eh? Life seems to be a game, we have to play by the rules, we get consequences when we break them, and we cant predict what might happen next. But this kind of game is neverending.

Independence and the freedom of choice have long been valued by people around the world. Growing up, we have all been taught to make the right decisions, and to make them independently. But while going through our childhood, we discover that making the right decisions isn’t really as easy as it seems, and sometimes the hardest decision is the right decision. We get influenced by those around us; family, friends, teachers, celebrities. Since we could understand concepts, we have been told to stand up for what we think is right. But after we make these decisions, we always think back to the past. The past shapes our present and our future, and we think: if we had chosen the other path what would have happened? We live our lives with regrets. Choice is unavoidable and we will never know what our choice will mean until we have lived it out. We often find ourselves standing at a fork, looking down both paths and weighing the consequences. No matter which path we take, whether it is the hardest or the easiest one, we will always look over our shoulder and think whether the choice we had made was the correct one and how it had influenced our life.

There was this girl who said to me: live life with no regrets. Of course, she was just referring to her belly piercing. But i guess she's kind of right. We all SHOULD live our lives with no regrets, yet how easy is that?

[Kathy]

"Listening To The Sky"

2008-04-26T18:49:00.001+08:00

Woot!! Today was awesome :) thanks to everyone who came!! and stupid people who couldnt come missed out. Yes today was very very fun.

Xie xie to johnny&kevin&winston&shao for the cake! Although i did see you guys hiding stuff up your shirts when i looked out the window. But xie xie ni men so much! Very unexpected :P It was good too, save for the fruit they put IN the cake. Fruit should stay ON TOP of the cake, not IN it.

Xie xie to holly especially for being my awesome party planner :) She's my girl. Too bad Partyworld had no more rooms :( But Haoledi actually got new songs for a change!! That's something we should all celebrate. And the food -gasp-. Jeez, you people's eat WAY fast. And we left such a mess :P

Xie xie to everyone who came: Tim, Holly, Claire, Max, Jessica H, Kristina, Jess C, Helen, Johnny, Shao, Kevin, Jared, Alicia.

I LOVE YOU PEOPLES!!

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The lights reflecting off nearby buildings danced and twinkled upon the water's surface. The sun was slowly receding, the horizon a mural of colors. The sky was perfect and the clouds had taken leave. The water was a light blue with flecks of green, seeming to be transparent, and delighting with sights of colorful fish and corals. She strolled along the edge of the sea, the waves gently crashing around her feet, watching her friends frolicking up ahead, their shrieks of laughter music to her ears. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted it. The perfect seashell; pearly white fading into the palest of pinks, the surface remarkably untarnished.

She made a beeline for it, her feet sinking into the sand, slowing her down. The seashell was half covered in sand yet it's colors had a stark contrast to those around it. Ignoring the calls of her impatient friends, she knelt down, held her camera close to the shell, and took a tight photo. With that, she just knew without looking at the photo that it had come out good.

Finally heeding the calls of her friends, she rushed over to them, slapping a smile onto her face and hid the picture. That picture would be for her eyes, and her eyes only.

[Kathy]

"The Story Of A Girl"

2008-04-25T19:13:00.001+08:00

She stands there for who knows how long, five minutes, a half hour, an hour, letting the scalding hot water pound down on her, fighting back tears of fury and regret.

She walks down the beach, hair loose around her shoulders, flip flops in one hand, letting the waves gently crash around her feet, closing her eyes and enjoying the tangy smell of the sea.

She slips her iPod earphones into her ears, laying her head back on the seat, and bopping her head along to the beat as she endures the bumpy ride to school.

She runs races, hearing her footsteps pounding into the pavement, relishing the feeling of pain as her body pushes her to its limit, willing her to not give up.

She goes to school, walking down the locker lined hallways under the watchful eyes of fellow peers, placing one foot in front of another, reminding herself not to trip.

She treads to her next class, feeling her heart beat faster, her palms gathering droplets of sweat, as she catches sight of him.

She rests her head on his shoulder, loving the feeling of his arms around her, sheltering her, protecting her.

She looks at her reflection in the mirror, loving what God gave her, yet at the same time picking out the body parts she hates the most.

She pushes hard, the skates gliding smoothly across the surface, the wind whipping through her hair, the whiteness of the ice blinding her, the feeling of satisfaction warming her as she completes a perfect jump.

She bends low in ready position, hands out, chin up, completely concentrated on the server on the opposing team, listening for the sound of hand on ball as the ball comes spinning across the net.

She watches her friends leave her, one by one, to finish their studies in a different school, her heart aching, wondering when the next time she'll see them will be.

She inhales the sweet aroma of sugar cookies, hand-baked by a friend, filling her nose, and clearing her mind.

She sits down at the lunch table, chattering loudly with friends, somehow managing to laugh hysterically and scarf down her food simultaneously.

She stands in front of the mirror, practicing her routine, shaking her head at herself when she messes up, feeling her joints moving smoothly, the moves falling into place.

She sits on the couch, bursting out into laughter at the wrong times, finishing the sentences of her friend, loving the fact that they have girl-ESP.

She doesn't know what is ahead, thinking of it both scares her and excites her, but is willing to give it a try.

She knows that all good things come to an end, and knows that leaving her friends will be one of the hardest things she'll ever do.

[Kathy]

Sins and Virtues

2008-04-24T21:55:00.001+08:00

Okay so me and max were having this discussion on the Sins and Virtues. And the original sins are (with our commentary :D):

Pride - When you think you're ALL THAT.

Envy - When you wish that guy's new iphone was yours.

Gluttony - When you're on your way to being >))))))) INFINITY CHIN SMILIE.

Lust - When you get... Come on, you know the feeling~ ;]

Wrath - When GRRR. SNARL. RAWR.

Greed - When 'all I want for christmas..' becomes ' I want all for christmas.'

Sloth - When you just sit there. Like a SLOTH.

Then we ask ourselves, what are the VIRTUES? Well, according to some, it's humility, kindness, abstinence, chastity, patience, liberality, diligence, etc., but that's BORING. Just the opposite of the sins. Then we thought: we'll make my own list! :D sooo~ Our seven virtues:

The Gift of Laughter: When pure joy bubbles from deep within and escapes in a flurry of white wings and beating hearts. Builds abs ;]

The Gift of Forgiveness: When someone hurts you so you can't get up - so tears stream down your face and your heart shatters - and you can look them in the eyes and say: I forgive you.

The Gift of Calm: When the world is upside down and inside out and a storm whips around you and someone screams in you ear and inside, you really don't care.

The Gift of Freedom: When you dance outside in the rain at dusk under the stars and the setting sun and end up soaked to the bone as you spread your wings and take flight.

The Gift of Security: When you fall asleep, snuggly wrapped in someone's arms with a warm feeling inside and the faint smell of coffee, and you know that when you wake up, everything will be just as it was.

The Gift of Optimism: When your life feels like shit, the floor falls from under you, and catastrophe throws everything he has at you and you flash a smile and give him a hug.

The Gift of Creation: When something is born from nothing. It's what makes us human.

[Kathy]

"Good Times Last Forever"

2008-04-24T20:24:00.001+08:00

Soo. First time using this blog. Not that i think that many people will read it. But i guess it's just a place for my musings and i'll probably come back in a couple years and be like, omg this person's so immature!! Yea, it'll hold my memories i guess :) Like i said, good times last forever. And when we write down these good times, they will forever stay in our hearts.

Right now, the major thing bothering me is that I applied to go to Hotchkiss School in Connecticut, United States, next year, which is 10th grade. And yet, something i haven't admitted to anyone, I'm scared. No, i'm not scared that i'll be going there all by myself, boarding at the school, being across the world from the rest of my family. I'm scared that once i get there, i'll have to start my 'life' all over again. Everything i gained here in Shanghai American School in China, will vanish. I think back to all the people who have trickled out to different countries from this tiny international school in China, and I feel my heart beat slighty faster, and my palms get sweaty. Soon that will be me. For four years since moving to China from America, i've watched some of the best friends i could ever make disappear from my life. Sure, we'd stay in contact for a couple months, facebook, msn, texting. But yet, i've discovered, after those couple months the messages we used to send daily would be reduced, resulting in little contact. On the last day of school, we vowed we'd stay in touch, that we would meet up sometime in the future. Yet I barely hear from these friends anymore. I'm scared that once i leave, life will just go on. My friends will walk the halls again, chattering loudly, banging open lockers, riding the afterschool busses after volleyball practices, and with all the new kids populating the halls, it'll almost be like i never existed. My name might be tossed around a few times at lunch time conversations, but life will go on. I'll be in a new school, in a different country, in a different time zone.

Sometimes, i cant imagine my best friend going to volleyball practice, the best friend who was always willing to listen, finding a new partner, and practicing sets with them. I cant imagine my best friend going to dance club, the best friend who'd always been by my side, and being crazy and hyper with someone else. I cant imagine my boyfriend, with another girl, hugging and holding hands in the hallway, giving each other little gifts, just like we did. I cant imagine the best guy friend i'll ever have, comforting another girl after she had a fight with her boyfriend, talking on the phone for an hour with someone else, obsessing over tiny matters.

So i've realized, life goes on without you. Although i cant imagine those things, i know it'll happen. And that makes me sad. We'll be seperated by oceans and seas, when would be the next time that i would be able to see them again? And what if, i do have the chance to go back, and my best friends have replaced me, and added a new kid to their tight bond? And what if, i find my boyfriend with another girl even though we would probably mutually break it off at the end of the year to avoid a long-distance relationship? And what if, i find that best guy friend, who'd been by my side for three years, completely trusting in someone else? It may seem like trivial matters, but these things hurt. They pierce through the heart, and even when you just think about it, you feel sad.

[Kathy]